A judge has granted Jenny Sanford a divorce. Big F’n deal. But I do love ABC’s headline:

Judge Grants Jenny Sanford a Divorce from Cheating Gov. Mark Sanford

Ha, this guy’s jacked. No matter what happens, his name in the media will always be preceded by “Cheating Governor.” Does Cheating Governor Mark Sanford still think bangin’ a hot Argentinian was worth it… my sources say yes. And by sources, I just mean what I would still think if I was a Cheating Governor.

Ha ha. In the latest Family Guy, Chris is enamored by a girl with Down Syndrome and wants to go out with her. He gets the courage to ask her out, and that video is Stewie helping him get ready for the date. From the start of the date, you realize this girl is a total bitch, while Chris is trying to be the perfect date.

Sarah Palin is upset with FOX (her employer by-the-way) because when Chris asks what this girl’s parents do, she says, “My dad’s an accountant, and my mom is the former governor of Alaska.” Of course, the Palin’s think it’s a shot at them. But, of course, it was bait! And trying to bait Sarah Palin is like trying to bait a teenage-runaway Russian prostitute with the idea she’ll one day be free from her pimp – they fall for it every time (ha, teenage-runaway Russian prostitutes are so stupid). From this story:

In a Facebook posting headlined “Fox Hollywood — What a Disappointment,” the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee and current Fox News contributor said Sunday night’s episode felt like “another kick in the gut.” Palin’s youngest son, Trig, has Down syndrome.

The thing that the Palins seemed to have missedis that the entire Chris on a date with Anna storyline is all about how people with Down Syndrome are normal… by reminding us that high school girls are F’n bitches, man.

Well done Seth McFarlane, you drunk bastard.

Update: The character with Down Syndrome was voiced by a girl with Down Syndrome. Ha. This adds to the brilliance of the play by Seth McFarlane and Family Guy. I’m jealous, I’ve always wanted to ‘F’ Sarah Palin, and now they have… while Seth dumped a high-ball full of Jack Daniels on her head to add to the humiliation.

CafePress is making a ton of dough on “Miss Me Yet” t-shirts and stickers and baby clothes…

“There were no Obama-themed designs on the list,” CafePress spokeswoman Jenna Martin told the Daily News. “Bush has stolen the political spotlight, just like Sarah Palin did the week before when she re-surfaced with crib notes written in her palm.”

That picture is a billboard in Mnnesota. Now, no matter what Obama is and isn’t doing, don’t people remember that President George Bush was a complete fucking idiot? I don’t even care about what he did and didn’t do… he’s a moron. “Miss Me Yet?” Fuck You!

Hmm… I don’t know what to say about an aide for the Palestinian President named Rafiq Husseini getting caught on tape soliciting sexual favors for a helpless lady who wants some help, from this story…

The former Palestinian intelligence officer, Fahmi Shabaneh, said he secretly took the footage in collusion with the unidentified woman. He said the woman had complained to him that Husseini was making suggestive remarks when she went to his office to ask for help with a family problem. Shabaneh said he then installed cameras in the woman’s bedroom and filmed Husseini’s next encounter with the woman.

But he was going to help her, right? So, what’s the problem; why should he help her for nothing in return? I thought we wanted Palestine to embrace the way of the Western world… there’s nothing more Western than exchanging sex for favors. Anyway, back in the day, they would just force women to have sex with them by threatening to rape and kill their families. The Middle East has really come a long way.

Oh, look. I knew what to say after all. I shall never doubt myself again.

President Bill Clinton was hospitalized today for something to do with his heart…

“Today President Bill Clinton was admitted to the Columbia Campus of New York Presbyterian Hospital after feeling discomfort in his chest,” adviser Doug Band said in a statement. “Following a visit to his cardiologist, he underwent a procedure to place two stents in one of his coronary arteries.”

I don’t like that I read the whole story. I was all set to assume he was banging some young chick which then resulted in chest pains. But no! He hadn’t been feeling well for a few days, so he went to the doctors, and the doctors said he need two stents. I haven’t been this disappointed in Bill since I heard he nailed some White House intern and then saw a picture of Monica Lewinski.

I like how the douche bags at ABC reported:

Sources on Capital Hill tell ABC News that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was seen leaving the Oval Office a short time ago and did not seem “too concerned” or “in a rush.”

This is some state senator from New York named Hiram Monserrate. He was just kicked out of the New York State Senate by a 53-8 vote because he was convicted of (proved to have) dragging his girlfriend through his lobby, but in his defense, from this story…

Monserrate has said he was trying to get his girlfriend to a hospital to treat a facial cut, which they said was an accident from a glass he was holding earlier that night. A judge sentenced him for the misdemeanor to three years’ probation, 250 hours of community service and a year of domestic abuse counseling.

Which is noble; I remember this one time some chick I was ‘dating’ mouthed off to me, and I broke my highball glass across her face in drunken rage… well, I just made myself another drink and watched TV while she sobbed, bleeding on the floor. But this guy, this Hiram Monserrate, he’s a better man than me, a better man than most, I bet… dragging her to the hospital, what a hero. Which is why he thinks he was kicked out of the senate because:

Monserrate and another Democrat teamed with Republicans last summer in a coalition that resulted in a monthlong legislative gridlock before they switched back.

Yes, the Democrats are getting even with this guy. They were just waiting for the perfect moment… they knew it was only a matter of time until he was convicted of misdemeanor domestic abuse, so they bided their time, lying in wait… Check ou the name of his lawyer:

Attorney Steve Hyman said he and Monserrate will file a federal lawsuit challenging his removal as soon as possible.

Hahaha… Hyman… There’s no way this guy had a good childhood. If I was in 5th grade with him I would have poked him with a log while another kid threw red paint on him.

The wife of that one governor of that one state that was banging that other chick in that other country wrote a book and now she is giong around doing interviews; not because everyone in the media thinks her book is important, but because they want her to talk about what it was like to have her governor husband cheat on her. I imagine it’s about the same as having a regular husband cheat on you except you get to turn it into a million dollar book and interview deal.

I chose the Daily Show interview to post. I can’t imagine she said anything different to anyone else. And at least Jon Stewart can be funny… sometimes. I didn’t watch it. Why would I? And why can’t I center that embedded video. I did everything I usually do that centers it in the post, but not this one… so now something else that make me hate Jenny Sanford. Great! Like I needed another.

A former aide of John Edwards named Andrew Young says he has a sex tape of John Edwards with a very pregnant chick he was banging for a while named Rielle Hunter.

The most titillating revelation in Young’s book, however, remains the existence of a sex tape that Edwards and his lover Rielle Hunter reputedly made together. While Hunter’s face isn’t seen in the video, Cheri Young said bracelets and a thumb ring that belonged to Hunter are visible in the video.

I like how this means that this Andrew schmuck and his wife watched it, probably together. The skank in the video has a restraining order out to prevent the Youngs from selling/distributing the tape.

“In or about September 2006, using my video camera, I authored a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature,” Hunter wrote in an affidavit filed Thursday. “In 2006, I was also having an intimate relationship with Edwards.”

The child of Edwards and this chick, who is supposed to be visibly pregnant in the video, was born in 2008. Now, bear with me, I’m pretty sure babies are born in less than two years… unless something has changed since the last time I checked. I don’t really know from experience; when I knock a chick up I tell her that we should run away together, and pool all our money together so I can set everything up, and give her a train ticket to somewhere in the Mid West telling her I’ll catch-up with her after a wrap up a few things, but I never catch-up…

Oh, and it’s reported that John Edwards physically beat his cancer-fighting wife, which is not funny. Unless, he beat her with a rubber chicken. That would be really funny.