Political Sex

Headline from msnbc.com: Obama links jet attack suspect to al-Qaida

I don’t like that headline. They mean that President Obama went public about the suspect being linked to al-Qaida. But how I first read it was that the president actually did the linking. Like he was in the Oval Office and there were a bunch of documents and pictures on his desk, and then the president’s wife Michelle came in and asked if Barack wants to look at some pictures she took. And Barack gets all frustrated and says I’m kind of in the middle of a terrorist attack, but sure, sure, I’ll take a break to look at YOUR pictures, and Michelle just throws them on his desk, “Fuck You!” she says and storms out. Barack shakes his head ‘Stupid woman’ he thinks as he swivels back and forth, then he glances at his desk; something about Michelle’s pictures, they uncovered a document… Where’s that last picture he was looking at… There it is! The answer! How had he missed it! He’s done it, he found the link…

Yes! We got one. A top al-Qaida guy was killed by an unmanned drone in Afghanistan, or Iraq, whatever; unmanned drones are F’n cool, like a real life video game. Kind of like the movie Running Man.

• The officials said the killing was the result of stepped-up operations targeting al-Qaida leaders in recent weeks.

Stepped-up? What the hell have we been doing? Shouldn’t that be status quo; killing the leaders should always just be up already with no room to step up more, because that seems kind of important to the whole war thingy.

You know what we should do… What’s that… We should kill the enemy… Wow, that’s a great idea… Yeah? Thanks, but how do we do that… We could go out and find the enemy and then drop a bomb on them… Hmm, that could work… Yeah, it just might.

Just a side note: I don’t like how the “al” in ”al-Qaida” isn’t capitalized. I mean, it’s not an organization I belong to, so I don’t really care, but still, you’d think they’d want it to be Al-Qaida. And it seems like the Qaida part’s spelling keeps changing, is that just me? There’s really no way to find out – except by looking through past news stories, but who’s going to do that, I mean, really…