I think Hillary Clinton might be a lesbian. I think this because she broke her elbow – one day before doing an event with Angelina Jolie. Hillary just fell while walking to the White House. The only explanation is that she was day-dreaming about Angelina. If I knew I’d be hanging out with Angelina Jolie in 24 hours, I’d unknowingly walk off a cliff. But I wouldn’t fall, not at first. Not until I realized I’d walked like six or seven steps off the edge. Then I’d hold up my ‘Yikes’ sign. And then I’d fall.

This Hillary thing reminds me of something. Do you remember that commercial where kids are playing football and the girl is getting hurt, so she stuffs her clothes with toilet paper. Or did I just make that up, because if I did that’s really, really good.