Political Sex

It seems criminal mastermind former Vice President Dick Cheney  is going to get his final revenge. How? From this story:

When former Vice President Dick Cheney releases his memoir early next week, it may cause the second earthquake in Washington, D.C., this month.

“There are gonna be heads exploding all over Washington,’’ Cheney told NBC’s Jamie Gangel in an exclusive interview that will air on NBC’s “Dateline” at 10 p.m. ET Aug. 29.

Just like a super villain to give away his plans. It’s so basic, if you want to blow up peoples heads when they open your book, don’t tell them… Back to the drawing board, Dick.

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Failed Republican candidate (for some office) Christine O’Donnell wrote a book. And, of course, when a politician writes a book they go on television. She went on The Piers Morgan Show… I think he’s that guy from that talent show with David Hasselhoff. Apparently he has a talk show. Whatever. He started asking her about masturbating and gay marriage, and she walked off the show; which worked out really well for her. Because she walked off, she got to go on the Today Show, which is like going from trying out the pair of Tickling Panties she got as a gag at her bachelorette party to female ejaculation on a Sybian.

I love at the end:

Reporter Chick: You say they are doing it for ratings. Let’s be honest, you’re wanting to sell books. Some people say it’s a publicity stunt on your part. Your response?

Chronic Media Masturbator Christine O’Donnell: Please, I didn’t want to do The Piers Morgan Show quite honestly. Because I knew he resorted to these dirty tricks… it was certainly not a publicity stunt.

She’s not trying to sell books, it was just a coincidence that when she sat down to do this interview a copy of her book was standing up so that the title was facing the camera. I bet they were pissed when the realized the Today Show put an extra graphic bar to cover up half the title. Ha. Classic.

Political groupies… seriously? Chicks are slutty weird. Musicians, sure, I can understand why chicks are sluts for those guys – up on a stage, making music, all the other chicks screaming for them. And actors, yeah, okay, they’re usually good looking. And I even kind of get “Pro-Hos” – chicks that will bang any professional athlete, no matter what they look like (glances quickly at Shaun White). But groupies for high profile people in politics? From this story:

In the book The Life of the Party, Lisa Baron, who calls herself a political press tart, recounts a lifestyle of casual sex and ‘a seemingly endless supply of narcotics.’

She boasts of her sexual exploits with the Republican hierarchy including George W Bush’s press secretary Ari Fleischer and Republican National Committee political director David Israelite.

It’s so awesome that all a chick has to do to get a book deal is let some famous guy bone her. I don’t know why women even work, well, I know why the ugly ones do, but if you’re a hot chick there’s a solid chance you can get nailed by someone famous and get yourself a book deal. And if they happen to be married, you’re set for life.

‘My remarkable encounter with Ari in that unremarkable hotel room perfectly summed up my groupie-like relationship to politics at that time – I wanted it, I worshipped it, and I went for it.’

Of a further encounter she writes: ‘We went back to his town house apartment and got down and dirty like my martini. I think there might have been a porno involved, but I can’t be sure’.

She boasted that they started an affair while she ‘was screwing around with the very dapper David Israelite, political director for the Republican National Committee.

Ugh, she’s not even a good writer; ‘remarkable encounter with Ari in that unremarkable hotel room,’ ‘got down and dirty like my martini.’ That’s just awful.

This chick’s the reason why guys cheat on their girlfriends… so it’s no surprise that her husband cheated on her with some hot Argentinian chick. If you don’t know, and why should you, this is Jenny Sanford. She divorced her Governor-of-South-Carolina-Mark-Sanford husband. Then she went on TV talk shows because she’s brave for some reason, and then she wrote a book because of being this type of brave woman. I’m still not sure how getting cheated on makes you brave – I’ve actually been doing research on the subject; I’ve been dating girls all romantic-like and then dumping their asses, after which I ask How do you feel? Brave? The data is so far inconclusive. Anyway, now this from this story:

Divorced former South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford confirms that she’s dating a Georgia businessman whose coastal vacation home is a few doors down from hers.

Holy fuck! This is awful, just awful. You know she and every chick out there is thinking “Oh, this is just like those stupid fucking chick flicks I like.” No, it’s not, that’s not how stuff actually happens. This guy knows how rich she is, he sees that she’s been betrayed, and thinks, I bet I could totally nail that. And you know what, because you know this loser with a book watches chick flicks, he’s right, what an easy target. One walk down the beach at sunset talking about what she’s interested in and bada-bing-bada-boom. 

Another book you won’t read, and don’t have to, but will somehow sell thousands of copies… all you need to know about this book is in this story:

- she killed some high school guy when she was 17; she ran a stop sign and smashed into his car

- she doesn’t like how people talk bad about her husband – president George W. Bush

- and they may have been poisoned in at the G8 in Germany, but probably not

There, done, now you don’t have to read it. Just figure out how long it would take you to read that garbage, and then figure out how much that time was worth to you and send me a check… You’re Welcome!