Political Sex

You’re probably not going to read President George W. Bush’s book, Decision Points, and why would you, and you don’t have to: you’ll hear everything you need to know about it from the media. They find the controversial stuff, they’ll find the heart-warming stuff; they’ll fact check him, prove him a liar, prove him misunderstood, prove that no one really cares… I guess you have to write a book if you were a president, whatever – if I were him I’d write it in comic book form (or ‘graphic novel’ for all of you who don’t think you’re a comic book geek). F’ it, right? If everyone thought I was an idiot, I’d play it up – he’d sell three times as many copies.

Just working it out: Decision Points; points about a decision; a decision that points to something; pointing is rude… no wait, penises have points, decisions can be hard, so the title of his book can be deciphered as: Hard Penis… suck it.

The wife of that one governor of that one state that was banging that other chick in that other country wrote a book and now she is giong around doing interviews; not because everyone in the media thinks her book is important, but because they want her to talk about what it was like to have her governor husband cheat on her. I imagine it’s about the same as having a regular husband cheat on you except you get to turn it into a million dollar book and interview deal.

I chose the Daily Show interview to post. I can’t imagine she said anything different to anyone else. And at least Jon Stewart can be funny… sometimes. I didn’t watch it. Why would I? And why can’t I center that embedded video. I did everything I usually do that centers it in the post, but not this one… so now something else that make me hate Jenny Sanford. Great! Like I needed another.

I guess this dumb ass wife (separated? divorced? care? NO) of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who banged a hot Argentinian did an interview with Barbara Walters. Quit it! Just stop! Damn it…

“It was awful for me to watch my husband come back and pine about his ‘soul mate’ and days spent crying in Argentina,” Jenny Sanford says. “It was awful to think that the world now, you know, was watching this about us and our marriage. It was awful from the political standpoint because he really should’ve, should’ve stopped talking at a certain point.”

She’s just trying to hock her book. Basically, she became a well-known loser; and semi-smart people who become well-known losers write books and go on TV to give examples of how much of a loser you can find out she is by reading her book. Fuck! Go away…

Seriously though, who the hell is actually going to read it. Besides people in the media, of course… but even then, just the first few to read and talk about should and the rest of us can just steal from them. The Associated Press got a copy, made some poor schmuck read it:

• “As you probably have heard, the AP snagged a copy of my memoir, Going Rogue, before its Tuesday release,” Palin said in a Friday post on her Facebook site. “And as is expected, the AP and a number of subsequent media outlets are erroneously reporting the contents of the book. Keep your powder dry, read the book, and enjoy it! Lots of great stories about my family, Alaska, and the incredible honor it was to run alongside Senator John McCain.”

From what I’ve seen, she talks about everything you’d probably expect her say if you followed the presidential campaign; she rips on the media, says McCain camp kept her down, and leaves her grand-baby-daddy alone. Done and done, I just saved you the five dollars or whatever they’ve marked it down to now.

Is it me or is it really easy to picture Sarah Palin having sex? And I don’ t just mean nice-and-easy Missionary style stuff; it is so easy to picture her doing the dirtiest, nastiest things, and the words that come out of her mouth, my god, she’s just filthy… and actually while picturing her doing stuff, she’s taught me a few things; things that seemed like weird requests at first, but being an open-minded guy I gave it a shot and all I can say is, “Thank you Sarah, Oh no sorry! I meant Mrs. Palin! Please don’t whip me (whaap!) ooooo, yeaaaah.”

Headline: Get ready, America: Here comes Sarah Palin (With a slight spelling change that could be a great name for a sequel to Who’s Nailin’ Paylin.)

Sarah Palin will be making the book tour rounds. That is so awesome, I can’t think of anything more awesome than Sarah Palin going around the country to sign her books. You may think I’m being sarcastic, I’ve used a bit of sarcasm on Political Sex so I understand why you might be leaning that way… but I am completely serious. Can’t you already imagine all the moronic things she’s going to say; local morning TV news shows; cell phone video; stupid interviews.

It reminds me of the time when I was four and kept dumping water on the dog, and I was sent to my room. I thought I was going to be there forever. And then, just like five minutes later my mom came in and asked if I learned my lesson. I said yes, of course. And then I got some water and dumped it on that god damned dog. I don’t remember why I did it, but I know I was justified. Stupid dog…