Political Sex

President Barack Obama always tries to be relatable  to the public, like today when he reminded guys that women are fucking crazy. Oh, and also, if you’re a lesbian he doesn’t care if you remember or not.

If you’re a musician, you should definitely exploit the 2012 presidential election. Why wouldn’t you? Check out this guy, who is he; Illy Ill, or something? No one knows him. So, he puts together a decent song about Barack Obama and it will get talked about, because people who like a candidate get really excited when they hear a song about them. And it doesn’t even have to be a good song. Seriously, it’s amazing how stupid people are about shit like this. And if you get children involved, forget about it, it’ll be huge; have a bunch of kids sing the refrain or whatever it’s called – and throw in a puppy and a line about Angry Birds. Fuck, I hate people.

A while ago, California said a man could marry a man, and a woman could marry a woman. But then, after thousands of people got married, it was put to a vote; same-sex couples could no longer marry. Then a couple of same-sex coupl… uh, people in relationships took to the courts and won. But then that decision was appealed by a bunch of religious nuts, and today:

A federal appeals court here ruled Tuesday that California’s voter-mandated ban on gay marriages was unconstitutional, in a closely watched case that eventually could lead the U.S. Supreme Court to decide whether same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.

In a 2-1 vote, a panel of the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said California’s 2008 law, popularly known as Proposition 8, had used the state’s initiative power to target a minority group and take away a right the group possessed, without legitimate reason.

It’ll go to the Supreme Court, where a majority of the justices will most likely agree with the decision and then any two people will be able to get married in California. In the meantime – could be another year – a bunch of other States will acknowledge same-sex marriages and make one the most progressive States look like a bunch of back-woods rubes.

Also, in the meantime, President Barack Obama will tap dance his way around the topic of same-sex marriages until the election.

President Barack Obama has sung a couple of times in public and it’s gotten him some fairly good attention; he comes off charming. Do you remember that kid in high school who would do the exact same thing that another kid did that everyone seemed to like? And all it did was make that first kid look like a dip-shit. Well, ladies and gentlemen I give you Singing Romney. What a dip-shit.

I’m reminded that people don’t really use the term “dip-shit” anymore. That’s too bad.

The State of the Union is where the President of the United States has to go in front of Congress and the Senate and be on television to talk about how great of a job he is doing. Which is good. Obama does a terrible job at promoting his successes. But he gives amazing speech.

Except he dropped that stupid “spilled milk” line. By my calculations that cost him 456,789 votes. Really?! Fuck me, that was terrible. That better have been a bet. They put in that crap about milk farmers and that old hokey guy in the room who can’t help but say the terribly obvious joke probably said that line about crying over spilled milk, and later Obama and the younger guys were probably sitting around the Oval Office talking shit on the spilled milk guy and Obama would be all like, “I should say that, in the speech, ha!” And the other guys would be all, ‘Yeah, right, whatever.’ “What, bitch? You don’t think I’d do it?” ‘There’s no fuckin’ way.’ “Oh, I’m gonna do it.”

And that’s how it happened, probably, hopefully.