The president of the United States is Barack Obama, as you may know – or may not if you’re an idiot, or so cool you don’t care – and a poll came out recently where around 20% of people polled think Barack Obama is a Muslim. This jerk-off interviewer who we’re supposed to know because he did the news for 100 years, asks Obama about how people don’t think he’s an American and do think he’s a Muslim. The poll was just about the Muslim deal, not that he’s not an American – and as Obama points out in that video, you can actually be a Muslim and an American.

But god damn, how frickin’ annoying must it be to have to answer questions like this, over and over… like a kid taunted on the playground. You’re the President of the United States; if someone asks you about this again, stand up, slap them across the face, sit back down and say, “Next question please.”

At the 3:00 minute mark Letterman talks about Obama being on vacation for the one hundredth time or whatever, and then says he’ll have plenty of time to vacation after his one term… Ha-ha-ha-h (record scratch). Wait, that’s not funny. And not because it slams Obama; why would I care. But it could have been funny, but it wasn’t written to be funny. That was a jab, a slap, a rib, a mean uh thing, and, uh, damn that was just fucked up. Which is awesome.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t care if the President is on vacation or not. He’s a really boring guy to pay attention to - like your favorite college professor who you would love to go have a beer with, and when you finally get the chance all he does is ask about your childhood; not because he’s actually interested but because it’s what he feels he should ask you.

I think I can officially confirm that the White House is struggling… Robert Gibbs, who does most of the speaking for the President, used the “What are you? High?” comeback. I think the last time I used that I was 22 years old and turning down my buddy’s suggestion of taking a shot of Bacardi 151. From this story:

“I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Gibbs said. “I mean, it’s crazy.”

You must be the highest motherfucker in the world to take the White House press secretary job.

Spike Lee – the movie director – wants Obama to “Go off!” Which at first I thought it was a misprint, because it looks kind of weird without context Go Off… I thought Spike wanted Obama to ‘get off.’ But no, Spike Lee doesn’t want Obama to be sexually satisfied (well, at least that’s not the case here), he wants Obama to express his rage and frustration about the Gulf oil disaster. From this story:

“One time, go off!” director Spike Lee urged on CNN’s “AC 360°.” “If there’s any one time to go off, this is it, because this is a disaster.”

Presidents don’t “Go off.” That’s the dumbest thing a president could ever do. Look at that Howard Dean schmuck, people only remember him as the guy who did that scream thing at that rally that one time. Presidents have to be like professional assassins; no matter what happens, you have to react with a cool-collectedness; you have to be serious, all business with no time to react like a commoner.

Trust me, one time my girlfriend wanted me to kill a big spider in the kitchen and I went in with concentrated fury, but wait, it wasn’t where she said it was. It could have been anywhere. But I didn’t lose my nerve, I adapted a promptly found the bastard… and took it out. And as I walked away from it’s mutilated corpse, I whistled the tune of, “She swallowed the spider to catch the fly… I. Guess. She’ll. Die.”

President Barack Obama was in San Francisco last night having a steak dinner just a few blocks away from where I was have a peanut butter and jelly dinner on my couch. I’d like to say that my PB&J was better than anything he could have had because of it’s simplicity and because I made it myself… but I think I screwed up the ratio – I was too close to 50-50 peanut butter to jelly; I know that it should be 60% peanut butter, 40% jelly… I just don’t know where my head was. Another difference was that no one paid just for the chance to eat PB&J’s with me. From this story:

It’s the most ever raised in a Senate fundraiser: $1.75 million. That’s how much came from President Barack Obama’s 19-hour trip to the Bay Area. That breaks down to $92,000 an hour.

Awesome, thanks for screwing up my commute because all the Democrats are going to lose and are desperate to raise money. Whatever. He’s got to do it, I guess; the Party got him elected and this is what he has to do or they’ll plant an intern’s pubic hair in his bed or something and replace him with Hillary Clinton… or that actor from Harold and Kumar who’s name is like Superman’s father’s name, and who quit acting to work in the White House as something that doesn’t matter to anyone. Great choice dude!