Political Sex

Chris Rock went on comedian and failed talk radio host Marc Maron’s podcast and is convinced that President Barack Obama is waiting until his second term to do his “gansta shit.” I met Marc Maron once, weird dude, reminded me of people who stand outside of Narcotics Anonymous meetings shivering and smoking cigarettes.

Michelle Obama was on what looks like some sort of television show… or Apple product? iCarly? Whatever, she basically bitch-slaps her daughter’s friend who didn’t think she would be able to get on the show; then one of the pervy hosts randomly gives her a hug and gives the camera a little Kurt Gibson celebration. And then they dance. Is it weird that I noticed her bra did a solid job as she jumped up and down?

President Barack Obama will be on Leno tonight, I think it’s tonight; doesn’t really matter. Does anyone watch Leno? Or any of those late night shows? For the most part, anything worth watching on those shows will be online the next day.

Anyway… Obama jokes about how Michelle Obama is one of those ladies that gives out raisins to Halloween trick-or-treaters, and how he’s worried that the White House will get egged if they don’t give kids candy. It’s a decent joke. He probably talks to Leno about other stuff too, like the elections, war, dead dictators, or whatever.

There was this lady in my neighborhood when I was a kid that used to give out pomegranates – who the fuck gives out pomegranates for Halloween – and we were all pretty sure she killed children. Proof? She was creepy, and gave out pomegranates, what more proof do you need…

Ron Paul has just wasted $2-million to buy TV time to air he’s new political ad. I guess ‘wasted’ might be the wrong word; he can only use that money for political campaigning, so… whatever, he’s not going to win.

Let’s do this:

:00 – Dramatic six second opening with black screen, news soundbites montage.

:06 – What looks like a guilty morning after drunken threesome.

:17 – Enough with the Obama “Change has come to America” clip already.

:20 – How does Herman Cain get his tie tied so tight?

:24 – Mitt Romney’s got a purty mouth.

:29 – Damn, Rick Perry has hairy arms; like a gorilla.

:35 – Plays Glenn Beck clip? Stick with the newscast audio Ron.

:42 – Ron Paul 1988.

:47 – Ron Paul 2007.

:52 – “I’ve been talking about these problems for a long, long time. Now we’re bankrupt.” So, no one’s ever listened to him; sounds like a leader to me…

1:00 – Little man in a fat coat…

This is a terrible ad, stupid. Consistent? Really, that’s the message. This is what they’re putting $2-million behind; I’m insulted. Fuck you, Ron Paul. The worst part of this ad is the end where he says he approves it. Does that mean he watched it and said, “Yep, that’s the one, that’ll get me the nomination to run for the President of the United States. We’ll done everybody… see you in the White House, hahaha.”

Hulk Hogan was an Obamaniac Brother!! I don’t really know much about the Hulk, but when other people emulate him, they use words like “maniac” and “brother.” So that’s what that was. Whatever. Hulk Hogan went on one of those creepy TV shows where people sit on couches and talk about politics and publicly denounced his support for Obama.

He’s a big dude, though, huh? Damn. Is that guy in the blue tie sitting ten feet back from everyone else? He must be feeling the same thing that a Cocker Spaniel would feel if it was sitting next to a wolf.