The Drudge Report is reporting that Star Magazine might have an exclusive that Al Gore had an affair… Of course he did. Everyone knows that’s why he’s getting divorced. How does everyone know? Because why else would he get a divorce – that’s how.

Everyone is so shocked that Al Gore (he was the Vice President at some point a while back and won an Oscar for some crappy movie about how to kill polar bears) and his wife are splitting up after 40 years of marriage, the reason is obvious? Answer: It’s time to get laid! Al Gore could nail all wanna-be ‘environmentalists’ of any age - depending on the age of consent laws of whatever country he happens to be annoying - and being male, when given the choice between your old-ass wife and anyone else… What? I need to finish that thought? Come on, you know what I mean, you’re just giving me a hard time because you don’t think you’re cool enough to hang out with me so you’re trying to make yourself feel justified, like you wouldn’t want to hang out with me anyway… well, I guess we’ll never know, because there’s really no way I’d hang out with you now.

And note that I didn’t say ‘environmentalist CHICK of any age,’ because if he’s not bisexual I don’t know who is… Al Gore could have an orgy with UC Berkeley’s entire freshman and sophmore classes, men and women, in the football stadium during halftime and not only not be arrested for indecent exposure, but be given the Key to the City while the mayor gives him a handie.

And Tipper? Who cares, she’s old.

That’s the old video of Karl Rove (MC Rove) at some dinner a few years ago; whatever, doesn’t matter; just came to mind when I saw that he is now divorced from his wife Darby. Darby? That’s a stupid name.

From Politico:

“Karl Rove and his wife, Darby, were granted a divorce last week,”said family spokeswoman Dana Perino, who was Bush’s press secretary. “The couple came to the decision mutually and amicably, and they maintain a close relationship and a strong friendship. There will be no further comment, and the family requests that its privacy be respected.”

That’s right ladies, look out! And I joke, but the sad thing is that this troll is probably a hot piece of ass in the conservative world. I imagine all the 40-something conservative hags whose husbands left them for younger conservative (but sexually liberal; COUGH anal COUGH) hags are crawling over each other to get to him… but not all make it: a few discover in the commotion something they realize they’ve always known, they’re lesbians. THE END.

God damn, it would be great to be Mark Sanford right now. In January this guy is completely free. He can do whatever he wants; he terms out as governor of South Carolina - so no A-Hole constituents; and his wife has now filed for divorce – so no A-Hole wife. Kick ass, bud!

For those who don’t know, this is the guy who went missing and ended up being in Argentina with some hot Argentinian chick he’s been bangin’ for a while. I know, fantastic.

I’m excited for him. I really hope he takes the guy-road and not the pussy-ass-road. Allow me to expand on that a bit:

Guy-Road: Go on a three-year South American tour and bang every willing hot Latin chick you can get… which would be substantial because he’s rich.

Pussy-Ass-Road: Stay in South Carolina – “for the kids” – and fall back into some three-year bull-shit religious reformation, get into a relationship with some poor church lady, and then cheat on her with the maid… What? I didn’t say the maid was Hispanic; that’s all you, racist.