A judge has granted Jenny Sanford a divorce. Big F’n deal. But I do love ABC’s headline:

Judge Grants Jenny Sanford a Divorce from Cheating Gov. Mark Sanford

Ha, this guy’s jacked. No matter what happens, his name in the media will always be preceded by “Cheating Governor.” Does Cheating Governor Mark Sanford still think bangin’ a hot Argentinian was worth it… my sources say yes. And by sources, I just mean what I would still think if I was a Cheating Governor.

Uh… What the Fuck was that… I know I don’t endorse spending time watching anything, but god damn it you have to watch that whole thing… is that actually a real political ad? No… Yeah… Really? Get the fuck out of here, no way… Damn.

The fat candidate for the New Jersey governor won. Hey look, I did a post about him a little while back, because I’m in the know, you see.

Anyway, this is great; really breaks down barriers as the fat people of this country can rejoice as Governor-elect (sigh, tear) Chris Christie has finally squeezed through the actually fairly large opening in the glass ceiling. He did get stuck for a bit, which he blamed on the opening shrinking (oh, yeah, right, we shrunk the f’n hole, yeah that’t what happened… fat ass); lucky for him Hillary Clinton was hanging out right beneath the ceiling and she was able to shove him through; but not before tickling his little feetsies first – oh, that Hillary.

From this story:

• “This election tonight is not about me. It’s not about many of you. This election was and is about the state we love — the great state of New Jersey,” Christie said at his victory celebration.

That might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard, ‘…is not about me. It’s not about many of you.’ Not about many of you… what the fuck does that mean?

This election tonight is not about me. It’s not about many of you. Which means it is about some of you, and more to the point it is about a few of you, but actually it is mostly about couple of you. I’m sorry that didn’t make much sense, I started thinking about Reuben sandwiches… with freshly made sauerkraut, and just a light smearing of thousand-island dressing on both the top and bottom slices of the rye, with a side of thousand-island dressing so I can dip it after every bite. You see, if you put too much dressing inside the sandwich it may become too slippery, and you risk loosing some of the meat. What was I talking about… who are you people! Where’s my god damned sandwich!