Political Sex

There’s some crap going on in Iran… again!? Get your shit together, Iran. Anyway, there are some protests of Iran’s current government going on, to which the current government’s response is those opposed should be executed – I know, right, it’s like Wisconsin in the Middle East. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took the opportunity of international attention to rip Obama, from this story:

During a visit to Bushehr ahead of a scheduled rally in support of his regime, the Iranian leader said, “Obama wants to rule the world, but he can’t even control his own emotions.”

He also said:

…the American president “doesn’t even know how to spell his own name properly.”

Ohhhhh, daaaammmmnn… Mahmoud’s gettin’ all street on America, now. Oh, that’s how you want to play it? Check it: Mahmoud’s mama’s so big, Osama bin Laden’s been hiding in her vagina for the last 9 years. Ohhhhh… You know I’m just playin’, Mahmoud, right? Please don’t send a death squad after me. Yeah, we’re cool, we’re cool.

Where do you even get acid? I don’t mean LSD… why, you holding? Never mind. Some guy in Iran banged another guy’s wife, and because a lot of people in this world are neanderthals he threw acid into that guys eyes. I admit, it’s very tempting to make another guy feel worse after you have sex with his lady, but come on – acid! From this story:

The convict, named only as Mojtaba, threw acid in the face of his rival Alireza, a taxi driver, after an illicit affair with the victim’s wife, Mojdeh.

All three are 25 and live in Qom, Iran’s clerical nerve centre 60 miles south of the capital, Tehran.

What a dick. Well, because Iran is a terrible fucking place – and if the ease people have wielding acid isn’t enough to prove that – the penalty for blinding someone with acid is being blinded by acid.

Iran’s Islamic code allows for ‘an eye-for-an-eye, a tooth-for-a-tooth’ retribution – known as ‘qisas’ – in cases of violent crime.

Extreme punishments can be waived if the victim chooses to accept ‘blood money’ in reparation, and ‘eye for eye’ punishments are rarely carried out.

What’s up with all the acid:

In February last year a university student in Iran was sentenced to be blinded in both eyes for having hurled acid in the face of a female classmate, who refused his proposal of marriage.

Don’t talk to anyone in Iran. Who knows what you might say that would make them throw the acid, that everyone there seems to carry around in their pockets, in your face.

Iran has released Sarah Shourd - who they had said was a US spy along with two other people – because of medical issues. But they didn’t release the two guys.

Does this mean she wasn’t a spy, Iran? Because if she was spy she wouldn’t have been released for any reason. And is she isn’t a spy, then what about the two guys? Or, maybe she wasn’t a spy, but they were spies. That must be it, right Iran? She was just a spawn in their spy games. Okay, well, now this makes sense. I’d hate to think you, Iran, would go back on your convictions.

I’m actually embarrassed for Iran. What a bunch of boobs!

“Oh yeah… Whore!”

I love Iran. They were about to stone some chick they say committed adultery, whatever; a bunch a people from around the world got pissed about it, so now they’ll probably just hang her – those softies. Well, French First Lady Carla Bruni came out (he-he) in support of this woman and in response to that Iran comes back with, “Whore.” From this story:

Iran’s hardline media have called French first lady Carla Bruni a “prostitute” after she expressed strong support for an Iranian woman facing death by stoning for adultery.

It’s fun watching these countries come into their own; like little kids trying to figure out how to deal with people who disagree with them. Iran seems to be in the name calling stage. They might as well have called her a ‘doo-doo head.’

I take personal offense to this – because like every other straight guy in the world, I would love to have sex with her – and so my response to Iran is, “What’s it like to have such a small dick?” Yeah. Face. Moded. High-five.

This is a woman from Iran - named Sakineh Mohammadi-Ashtiani – who has been found guilty of letting a man from Iran kill her husband, which also means she was found not-guilty of being the person who actually killed him. She got sentenced to death by stoning… the actual murderer gets to live. Ah, Iran; a great place to be a man. I think that’s the country’s actual slogan. From this story:

A lawyer for an Iranian woman sentenced to death by stoning has told a British newspaper she was tortured for two days before confessing on state TV to being an accomplice to her husband’s death.

That story also says she had another lawyer, but he fled to Norway because the government issued an arrest warrant for him, and have detained his wife (she will probably be stoned to death next).

But wait! After international out-cry to the idea of a death by stoning the compassionate government in Iran has instead decided to hang her to death. The big softies.

Ah, Iran. A Great Place to be a Man.

*They actually have that slogan on a poster of a cat hanging from a tree branch.