Political Sex

God damn, it would be great to be Mark Sanford right now. In January this guy is completely free. He can do whatever he wants; he terms out as governor of South Carolina - so no A-Hole constituents; and his wife has now filed for divorce – so no A-Hole wife. Kick ass, bud!

For those who don’t know, this is the guy who went missing and ended up being in Argentina with some hot Argentinian chick he’s been bangin’ for a while. I know, fantastic.

I’m excited for him. I really hope he takes the guy-road and not the pussy-ass-road. Allow me to expand on that a bit:

Guy-Road: Go on a three-year South American tour and bang every willing hot Latin chick you can get… which would be substantial because he’s rich.

Pussy-Ass-Road: Stay in South Carolina – “for the kids” – and fall back into some three-year bull-shit religious reformation, get into a relationship with some poor church lady, and then cheat on her with the maid… What? I didn’t say the maid was Hispanic; that’s all you, racist.

South Carolina Governor and Argentinian-chick-banging Mark Sanford will not have to go through an impeachment. Dudes out in January anyway when his final term ends. So what would the point be, not justice; no one cares so just let it go. At least we won’t here about this idiot anymore, except that his wife has some stuff going on now. In other news, I hope his wife fails at everything she’s trying to do. Why? Because fuck her, that’s why!

The wife of the South Carolina governor who was banging some Argentinian chick has endorse Rep. Nikki Haley to succeed her husband. Who the hell is Jenny Sanford to endorse anyone? She was some rich business chick who tried to hump her way into the White House. And maybe if she humped a little better, her husband wouldn’t have had to bang the South American chick… I have it on good authority that South American chicks do anything… ANYTHING! By good authority, of course I mean some drunk dude at a bar last weekend said, ‘Man, you need to bang one of those South American chicks, they’ll do anything… ANYTHING!’ Why would he lie?

Now a shocker! I endorse her too… she’s kind of hot. I’d work her “campaign.” By which of course I mean I’d “stuff her envelopes.” Wait, what!? It sounds like I’d be doing what to her. No… Perverts. I mean I’d be putting her campaign literature into pre-addressed envelopes. And, I guess, whatever else she might need for a successful run. And by that, yes, I mean bone the crap out of her.

I need to marry a chick politician or a famous broad, whatever, and then get cheated on. I’d be so ungiving, and selfish, and whatever else that would encourage her to cheat on me – which would then become a big scandal in the media… And then I’d clean up with a book deal. That’s what Jenny Sanford is doing. She’s the wife of the governor of South Carolina who was banging some chick in Argentina (which is awesome by the way, you should try it). Bravo Jenny; one appearance on Oprah and you’re golden. Look at that Phillips lady talking about doing her dad – done! Millions of books sold – if only I was so lucky. Damn you average childhood!

• The publisher says Sanford “will grapple with the universal issue of maintaining integrity and a sense of self during life’s difficult times.”

I submitted a proposal to write a book once: it was about this one difficult time in my life that I took some chick out to dinner, spent like $50 and then Nothing! not even an HJ on the drive to drop her off; and how I almost just went home, almost ended the night right then, but NO, I picked myself up and dusted myself off… I went back to the restaurant, got shitty drunk at the bar and then took our waitress home. There was a lot of self discovery on the drive back to the restaurant. The publisher said that the masses wouldn’t be able to relate, and I told them I was fine with that because I wouldn’t want losers reading it anyway, but I guess they’re all about the money, not the message. Boy, what’s happened to this country, right? A shame, just a shame…

I see South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s wife Jenny’s underpants… wow, that was a stupid way to start a post. But check it out, I think you can see this lady’s panties.

Do what you want with it; she’s not that bad for an older chick. Governor Sanford’s the dude who was banging some chick from Argentina or somewhere down there. She’s going to stay with him, he’s going to stay the governor. And the moral of the story – go ahead and cheat on your lady, the dumb broads will probably take you back. Girls are stupid.

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