Political Sex » John Edwards

finally, John Edwards was indicted…

Political Sex — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 22:48:15 +0000

That former politician who looks like Boy from “Little Monsters” who cheated on his wife while running for President with some videographer who he knocked up and had his assistant take the blame was formerly indicted for using campaign funds to pay for the cover-up – which apparently is not allowed. I don’t know why it’s not allowed, it was for his campaign; if the news got out, he would have stood even less of a chance of becoming President.

is John Edwards serious about suicide? How would I know…

Political Sex — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:51:00 +0000

Former politician – I think he ran for president, or was it vice president… doesn’t matter – John Edwards says he would rather kill himself then go to prison, from this story:

According to the Enquirer, a close source said: ‘I think John is suicidal. He knows that if he’s indicted, prosecutors will try to get him to serve jail time and make an example of him.

‘He cried his eyes out and said, “I won’t go to jail. I’d kill myself first!”‘

Recap: He was banging some videographer on one of his election campaigns. He knocked her up, too, so they really did have sex – which is weird because thinking about John Edwards having sex is like thinking about a panda bear masturbating (I’m right, huh). And the legal problem is that he used campaign money to take care of his baby-mama.

is it weird that I want to see the John Edwards sextape…

Political Sex — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 23:35:56 +0000

Former politician John “Boy” Edwards cheated on his wife with his campaign videographer, knocked her up, had his married assistant take the blame, and apparently made a sex tape with her. Edwards’ former assistant – named Andrew Young – supposedly has that sex tape, and the videographer who Edwards has since gotten together with after his wife died of cancer wants it back, from this story:

An attorney for a former John Edwards aide says the two-time presidential candidate from North Carolina has given sworn statements in a lawsuit over a purported sex tape.

Young contends the tape was found amid trash that Hunter left behind in a home he was renting.

I want to see the tape for the same reason I took a picture of two turtles having sex at the zoo.

But that’s not all! Now Edwards is probably being indicted, for this story:

Sources tell our CBS affiliate in Raleigh former Senator John Edwards could be indicted within the month.The two-year grand jury investigation appears to have zeroed in on the alleged cover-up of Edwards’ affair and money from a 100-year old supporter of the Democrat.

If you’re a person in power, especially politics, go ahead and do whatever you want, just don’t try to cover anything up, isn’t that right Silvio?

the John Edwards sex tape with pregnant chick…

Political Sex — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:34:26 +0000

A former aide of John Edwards named Andrew Young says he has a sex tape of John Edwards with a very pregnant chick he was banging for a while named Rielle Hunter.

The most titillating revelation in Young’s book, however, remains the existence of a sex tape that Edwards and his lover Rielle Hunter reputedly made together. While Hunter’s face isn’t seen in the video, Cheri Young said bracelets and a thumb ring that belonged to Hunter are visible in the video.

I like how this means that this Andrew schmuck and his wife watched it, probably together. The skank in the video has a restraining order out to prevent the Youngs from selling/distributing the tape.

“In or about September 2006, using my video camera, I authored a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature,” Hunter wrote in an affidavit filed Thursday. “In 2006, I was also having an intimate relationship with Edwards.”

The child of Edwards and this chick, who is supposed to be visibly pregnant in the video, was born in 2008. Now, bear with me, I’m pretty sure babies are born in less than two years… unless something has changed since the last time I checked. I don’t really know from experience; when I knock a chick up I tell her that we should run away together, and pool all our money together so I can set everything up, and give her a train ticket to somewhere in the Mid West telling her I’ll catch-up with her after a wrap up a few things, but I never catch-up…

Oh, and it’s reported that John Edwards physically beat his cancer-fighting wife, which is not funny. Unless, he beat her with a rubber chicken. That would be really funny.

butt boy, ha-ha…

Political Sex — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:55:58 +0000

Wow, I need a Butt Boy. Do you have to be a weird little douche of a human being like John Edwards to get one?

That guy on the left did everything Edwards wanted, everything; even when Edwards knocked some chick up, the Butt Boy claimed he was the father so Edwards wouldn’t have to go through a scandal. Holy God Damn! John Edwards is the BIGGEST douche ever! Wow. It was Butt Boy’s dream to go to the White House, however he had to get there, but for Edwards to allow him to do that… whatever, they’re both assholes.

_________ sometimes described himself as Edwards’s “special assistant” and dreamed of serving in an Edwards White House. Other aides, with a combination of disgust — and, perhaps, a bit of envy — referred to him as Edwards’s “personal servant,” or worse, Edwards’s “butt boy.”

I won’t say Butt Boy’s name, it’s not worth knowing. But if you really need to konw it’s in this story. He did write a book. Hell, if I was some one’s butt boy, and I didn’t get what I thought I deserved I’d write a book too. This definitely goes in the Another Loser with a Book pile with Jenny Sanford. Guess who also wrote a damn book: Elizabeth Edwards. It seems like all you have to do is let John Edwards piss all over you, and you get a book deal. She writes about Butt Boy:

She and her husband were, she wrote, his victims — guilty only of “being vulnerable to obsequiousness.”

Don’t worry, I looked it up; obsequiousness – Full of or exhibiting servile compliance; fawning. Victims of someone doing whatever they wanted… I can hear the movie trailer now, “And just when you thought it was safe to wash your own car, you discover it was already washed… AND WAXED. Don’t miss Butt Boy… Taking over the World… one dry cleaned suit at a time…”

What a mess-of-an-existence all around.