Political Sex

Kim Jong Il is apparently dead. It’s not like I saw the body, and I’ve heard the media lies to us to make sure we buy houses without money, and have abortions to save the earth from becoming a balmy 70 degrees year round… or something like that, I don’t really pay attention. Whatever. If it’s true, who is going to lead this luxurious nation?

North Korea’s state news agency KCNA has called dead leader Kim Jong Il’s son Jong Un a “great successor” in what appears to be the first such mention of the late leader’s youngest known son, who had been groomed to take over power.

Jong Un is the “great successor to the revolutionary cause of Juche and outstanding leader of our party, army and people,” KCNA said. Juche is the North’s homegrown political ideology of self reliance. (msnbc)

And don’t be worried about one of the world’s biggest military being in the hands of a 27 or so year old – no one knows how old he is – because he is a four star general. Though, he was appointed a four star general just so that he could take the place of his dear ol’ dad if needed. And if you were rooting for the North Koreans to get nuclear weapons, that should stay right on track as well. I’ve got a really good feeling about this, because I don’t live in South Korea with this nut-job next door. The moral of all this, be next to countries run by Drug Lords and Canadians.

The guy on the right you might recognize as Kim Jong-Il who was the crazy ass leader of North Korea. He got hepatitis of the labia or something (ah snap! He just called you a lady, son) and is not going to be the leader any more. One of the other two guys sitting down to his right is the new leader. Is it the very experienced looking military guy with years of doing some kind of official-type stuff for the country… or Mr. Trench-coat Mafia that looks a lot like the old leader. From this story:

Until now, Kim Jong-un has been such a secretive figure that the world was not even sure of his existence until he was 20 years-old. The only mention of the younger Kim came in a biography by a Japanese sushi chef who had worked for the Kim household in Pyongyang.

Although Kim Jong-il, 68, remains North Korea’s leader, he has promoted his third son to be vice-chairman of the Central Military Committee and to be a four-star general. The move places the younger Kim squarely in position to succeed his father.

You guessed it, the weird little guy dressed all in black is the son of Kim Jong-Il – named Kim Jong-un – and he’s going to be the next leader of North Korea. What a fantastic system. ‘Uh, Mr. Jong-Il, have you decided who’s going to replace you.’ “Why, yes, I have. My third son.” ‘You have three sons? You can’t just make him the leader of the country’ “Can I put him in charge of the military?” ‘Well, yes, you can put anyone in charge of the military. But only generals can do that.’ “Aren’t I allowed to make anyone a general.” ‘(sigh) Yes, that, is, the way the system is set us, but…’ “Four stars.” ‘What?’ “My son. He is now a four-star general and in charge of the military and will then be the leader of North Korea.” ‘Really…? You know, our system fuckin’ sucks.”

I feel a little bad for little North Korea sometimes; it’s like that small kid in your neighborhood who always got picked on because he’s an asshole and every time he would walk away - embarrassed once again – he would scream, “You’ll be sorry!” Ha… so cute. From this story:

North Korea’s military threatened Sunday to launch the “severest punishment” against South Korea for staging massive joint war games with the United States this week.

Oh no, we had better not, or we’ll get their ”severest punishment” if we do. Ha-ha. Go fuck yourself, North Korea. We’ll do whatever we want and after we do we’ll take turns screwing your sister behind the bushes… slut.

When it comes to a person’s health it’s important to put all things aside and ask the world to pray that another life isn’t lost to pancreatic canc… Wait, wait… F’ that. Die you little bitch. I just hope the crazy miniature bastard doesn’t have some plan to take us all with him.

(Kim Jong Il, Kimmy for short… I bet he would hate to be called that)

So that’s what a ‘diminutive playboy’ looks like in North Korea, huh. I really don’t know much about this 5′ 3″ International Man of Mystery, except his penchant for high hair, tall shoes and nuclear weapons. Here’s a nice bio on the man men want to be and women want to be with. Here’s a bio of him from 2000. He sounds wild, all liquored up and stealing ladies from Japan… creating operas? Wow, what does that say about me; a lump liquored up and stealing ladies together, but ‘creating operas’ gets it’s own thought with a question mark.

I call dibs on writing the movie about this nut-job. I think the title should be simple, like… 5′ 3″ or Lifts. Have they made a porno spoof about him? It would make some old short Asian dude with a giant penis instantly famous. There could even be a scene with the porn chick that looks like Sarah Palin… Kim Dong Il is Im-Palin.

By-the-by, NyQuil is legit.