Political Sex

I just realized what I care less about than if Sarah Palin’s slutty daughter plans on marrying her dumb-as-rocks baby-daddy… Some one asked me, ‘Hey, did you here Bristol and Levi are getting married?” And I said, “Who the fuck are they?” And they told me. Then I said, “Wow, I couldn’t care less!” Well, I stand corrected. From this story:

Teen mom Bristol Palin has broken off her engagement to Levi Johnston for a second time — less than a month after telling the world she planned to marry the father of her young son.The 19-year-old daughter of politician Sarah Palin was quoted on Tuesday as telling People magazine “It’s over. I broke up with him.”

This is pretty big news. I am never wrong. I mean, ever! But I admit that I thought there was nothing I could care less about. Damn it; I hate being wrong.

Wasn’t the slutty daughter of Sarah Palin (she’s that dopey idiot who was Republican vice presidential candidate) a hot 17 year old… Look at that picture of her on the cover of US Magazine. This is why I never talk to girls after I have sex with them, just in case I knock them up – they turn into chubby little school-marms. And I don’t even know what I marm is, which means marms are so unattractive it doesn’ t even work as a porn spoof (because if they did, I would have seen it – admitting to watching porn makes me edgy and real). From this story:

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston reveal exclusively in the new Us Weekly that they are getting married.

And, they tell Us Weekly, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has been kept in the dark about their plans … until now.

Oh no, what will Sarah do… oh, right, put out a press release:

Bristol at 19 is now a young adult. We obviously want what’s best for our children. Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives.

So Sarah Palin’s daughter get knocked up by some loser, and it’s a great example of the trials we all go through, and then the loser runs away and does Playgirl and Sarah Palin calls him Ricky Hollywood, an aspiring porn actor, and now that the daughter and the loser are getting married it’s a great example of forgiveness. We should all take a lesson from Bristol Palin.

That kid is pretty cute, though; it’s just unfortunate he comes from the gene pool equivalent of mixing Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola.

Despite what I actually think of him, I really like Levi Johnston. He’s doing something that people who are offered 15 minute of fame hardly ever do. You see, when people get a little spotlight shined on them, the have dreams of being in the spotlight from there on out… but Levi, he might be smarter than anyone, ANYONE, thinks. He’s going for it. Whatever he can say to get on TV talk shows, he says; when almost famous chicks get offers from porn mags and Joe Francis, they turn it down - not little Levi Johnston, he’s doing Playgirl. And he even got an award for it. Good for you bud. Keep rockin’ it. Follow your dreams and you one day, if you play your cards perfectly, you might get to be on Dancing with the Stars.

He reminds me of the kid in grade school who you always felt had boogers all over his hands so you never wanted him to touch you… and he probably smells like stale baby powder, prob-ab-ly.

I can’t believe this douche bag is going to become famous… oh, yes he is. Yeah, I don’ t want to think that could be possible, but look around, look how people are becoming famous these days.

If you don’t know, this is Levi Johnston. He knocked up Sarah Palin’s underage daughter. Now, he’s going around blasting Palin on TV shows – because whether it’s true stuff or not, any show would be stupid not to have this little idiot on talking shit – and now he’s going to do Playgirl. Is Playgirl still around? Playgirl’s always been the WNBA of porn. From this story:

• “Everything’s gonna hang out,” manager Tank Jones tells TMZ.com. “We’re talking ‘Full Johnson.”

Full Johnson? Why, because his last name is JohnsTon. Tank, you’re an idiot, that’s a terrible quote. It barely make any sense. Maybe if his last name was actually ‘Johnson’ it would be worth saying. But your name is Tank, so…

Prediction: this Levi motherfucker will be living in Los Angeles banging some hot piece of C-level celeb ass within six months; one of the Hills chicks or something. And somehow he’ll make money, for doing nothing. I can’t imagine being able to retire off a Playgirl shoot. Or maybe, he’ll end up being some old, rich hag’s boy. Whatever, he’s all set.

It is kind of funny that they lined the photo shoot up with Sarah Palin’s Oprah Whinfrey appearance; you can easily make a video montage of both of them media whoring in their own ways. It would start off with Sarah Palin telling Levi he’ll be a nothing, and then as she walks away, Levi shouts, “Oh yeah, I’ll show you… see you at the top, Mrs. Palin.” She’s on Oprah, he’s naked holding a hockey stick; she’s at a classy book signing, he’s at some sex toy story signing Playgirls… and so on. What! I have to write the whole thing out for you. Damn, you’re lazy.

Later prediction: he dies from a drug overdose in some gay pimps Palm Springs getaway condo.