Political Sex

I am a huge fan of catapults and don’t feel like they get enough use these days. They also have a bad reputation for being vehicles of destruction; but Mexican drug smugglers have proven that medieval instruments of war can be used for practical purposes like launching giant cubes of pot over a wall. From this story:

On Friday evening, National Guard troops operating a remote video surveillance system at the Naco Border Patrol Station observed several people south of the International Boundary Fence preparing a catapult and launching packages over the International Border fence, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

I wish I could have been in these smugglers’ brainstorming meeting… How are we going to get the drugs over that big wall? - I don’t know, throw it over? – Don’t be an idiot, no one can throw it that high. – Yeah, if only we had a way to launch it over. – Is there a light bulb over my head? Because I just had a genius idea.

Here the link to the video (it’s boring).

Attention all politicians running in California this year, note the amount of stoners that will be voting this November… change your middle name to “Bob Marley” or “Mary Jane” or “Bongtastic” – because politics is about name recognition and no stoner can resist a vote for someone who seems to be ‘down with the weed.’

This November the citizens of California will get to vote for the legalization of marijuana – for recreational use. From this story:

The initiative would allow those 21 years and older to possess up to one ounce of marijuana, enough to roll dozens of marijuana cigarettes. Residents also could grow their own crop of the plant in gardens measuring up to 25 square feet.

Humboldt County is excited; it wants to become the Napa Valley of pot. Although, with wine you can go around and taste at least 15 different wines from at least 4 or 5 different wineries in a day. With pot, what, you taste one strain at 10am… another at 11:30am… another at 1pm… another at 2pm or whatever. Well, actually that sounds kind of awesome. They could do pairings; with the Purple Hair you’re going to want to wait 10 minutes and then open the bag of Cheetos; with the Chronic you’re going to want to go for a hike and just when you’re starting to come down we have loaves of sourdough bread…

Is there anything more boring than the legalization of medical marijuana? Probably, but that’s what people say when they want to make a point. It’s basically just me saying I think the topic of the legalization of medical marijuana is not exciting. Get off my back, I guess I should have just said that, sorry; but then you wouldn’t get this witty commentary that I’m kind of stuck writing now that I’ve committed to it. Actually, it’s my f’n blog and I can change direction whenever I want, about whatever I want.

So, President Obama says if the states have medical marijuana laws, the Federal Government will not impose their laws against medical marijuana. See? Do you see it… exactly, f’n boring.

iPhone has an app (I pretend to know what that means) to find the nearest medical marijuana distribution center. Because you know how it is with all those cancer patients who need pot for pain and hunger reasons – basically to function – they’re always just running out of weed in random places. Wow, it’s great they now have this service. Do they have an app for insulin suppliers, because they seem to think sick people forget their medicine:

“Man are you okay!” “No, I have diabetes, I’m having an attack.” “Take your insulin.” “I forgot it.” “Then check your app.” “What’s an app?” “For your iPhone, never mind, I’ll download it.” “Thank you.” “No problem, just pay me back the $2.99.” “What? You have to pay for that?” “Of course.” “Hmm, that seems odd, I could die without it.” “So… what do you want me to do.” “Well, I guess we have to. Can you break a $20?” “Not right now, but I can owe you.”

That’s basically how it would go. Except for the ‘having an attack’ part. I’m not sure what you say if you have diabetes… Anyways, this is my favorite part:

• It will not share the location of illegal dealers, and Ajnag claims not to promote the illegal use of the drug.

Did they just tell everyone they know where the illegal dealers are?

A stoner in Massachusetts decided to put an ad on craigslist offering weed for those in need. And even though he used a cryptic message, police were able to decipher it. The message said: “420 help is here.” What! What the hell does that mean; if only I spoke this bizarre language. Dan Brown could write another mediocre story about this secret society. Some cops were able to figure it out and then crafted a brilliant plan to lure the evil genius into their web. From the story:

Gray was somewhat cautious when he met two detectives posing as customers, and asked if they were cops, Police Capt. John Dougan said. Apparently satisfied when the officers said they were not, Gray allegedly said: “Well, I trust you. You look normal, ” and sold them a small bag of marijuana for $45.

Reenactment… ‘Hey man, are you a cop?!?’  ’No.’  ’Okay then, want to buy some drugs.’