Political Sex

God damn, it would be great to be Mark Sanford right now. In January this guy is completely free. He can do whatever he wants; he terms out as governor of South Carolina - so no A-Hole constituents; and his wife has now filed for divorce – so no A-Hole wife. Kick ass, bud!

For those who don’t know, this is the guy who went missing and ended up being in Argentina with some hot Argentinian chick he’s been bangin’ for a while. I know, fantastic.

I’m excited for him. I really hope he takes the guy-road and not the pussy-ass-road. Allow me to expand on that a bit:

Guy-Road: Go on a three-year South American tour and bang every willing hot Latin chick you can get… which would be substantial because he’s rich.

Pussy-Ass-Road: Stay in South Carolina – “for the kids” – and fall back into some three-year bull-shit religious reformation, get into a relationship with some poor church lady, and then cheat on her with the maid… What? I didn’t say the maid was Hispanic; that’s all you, racist.

South Carolina Governor and Argentinian-chick-banging Mark Sanford will not have to go through an impeachment. Dudes out in January anyway when his final term ends. So what would the point be, not justice; no one cares so just let it go. At least we won’t here about this idiot anymore, except that his wife has some stuff going on now. In other news, I hope his wife fails at everything she’s trying to do. Why? Because fuck her, that’s why!

The wife of the South Carolina governor who was banging some Argentinian chick has endorse Rep. Nikki Haley to succeed her husband. Who the hell is Jenny Sanford to endorse anyone? She was some rich business chick who tried to hump her way into the White House. And maybe if she humped a little better, her husband wouldn’t have had to bang the South American chick… I have it on good authority that South American chicks do anything… ANYTHING! By good authority, of course I mean some drunk dude at a bar last weekend said, ‘Man, you need to bang one of those South American chicks, they’ll do anything… ANYTHING!’ Why would he lie?

Now a shocker! I endorse her too… she’s kind of hot. I’d work her “campaign.” By which of course I mean I’d “stuff her envelopes.” Wait, what!? It sounds like I’d be doing what to her. No… Perverts. I mean I’d be putting her campaign literature into pre-addressed envelopes. And, I guess, whatever else she might need for a successful run. And by that, yes, I mean bone the crap out of her.

Planning on cheating on your lady… Go for it -

Governor Mark Sanford from South Carolina nails some Argentinean chick for a while. He’s on a trip right now with his wife. So he’ll probably stay married, and he’ll probably stay governor… nothing really changes. Just that he could never be President – but you never know.

Now. Senator John Ensign, who was banging the wife of some guy on his staff, now confirms he will be running for re-election. And he’ll probably win, or at least he should – it’s Nevada. Did you know his parents paid the chick off – less than 100K. She could have gotten a bunch more. Sucker. Her and her husband’s career are probably over. But John will be fine – nothing really changing. And he could still become President some day.

I was in Sanford’s State – South Carolina – last week. I was expecting better accents. Oh well.