Political Sex

Chicago’s mayor is sick of looking at all the disgusting fat people that he has to work around, and wants them to either get healthy or pay. He didn’t say that exactly, but he might as well have, from this story:

The Emanuel administration estimates that only 6 to 8 percent of city workers — including smokers, those overweight or suffering chronic illnesses — drive two-thirds of the cost of Chicago’s healthcare budget. Under the wellness program, employees will have choice: either join it or pay $50 a month more in premiums.

So that’s $600 a year to be lazy and able to do what you want… totally worth it. None of this would be necessary if we could just go back to the old ways of controlling obesity, ridicule and humiliation.

I dig watching a bunch of guys smacking the crap out of each other in barely tolerable weather conditions, but I would never go to the game; I prefer to be snuggled safely beneath my Playboy Girls of McDonalds (SWAG) blanky sipping hot-but-not-so-hot-it-burns-the-top-of-my-mouth cocoa.

The Sunday Night Football game to be played in Philadelphia was cancelled last night because it was going to snow a lot. Usually, football games never get cancelled for weather unless there’s lightning or a hurricane. But snow? Have you felt snow; it’s really soft. Sure it’s cold, but if it was that cold and not snowing they wouldn’t have cancelled the game, right. People are pissed, and the blame monkey is throwing it’s poo at… the mayor of Philadelphia – named Michael Nutter. Haha, “nut-her, I didn’t even kiss her!” From this story:

After the NFL made the controversial decision to push the game to Tuesday night, media and fans took to Web and print, blasting Nutter for the decision – placing an undeserved blame on him, according to Eagles president Joe Banner.

I know what you’re thinking, Stupid blame monkey, throwing poo all willy-nilly-like, check your facts monkey! To which I say, leave my monkey alone, you pricks. He’s a monkey, what the hell does he know.

From the Eagles (Philadelphia’s football team):

“People are free to have their opinions on whether or not last night’s Eagles game should have been postponed. That decision was ultimately made by the NFL. Any criticism of the Mayor, who was not involved in this decision, is completely unfair.”

So you’re more familiar with the blame monkey’s method: I put pictures of two possible blame targets on the wall in front of the monkey, and then I squirt him with water until he gets so mad he starts throwing poo around, and the first picture he hits gets the blame. Hahaha, I was just thinking of the last time I squirted the monkey with water; he hates it so much, and the only thing he can figure to do about it is throw poo. Ha, stupid monkey.

Are shoulder pads a lesbian thing, or a Houston thing… whatever, they just look great, just great! Annise Parker has a chance to become the first openly gay mayor of Houston. I love how it’s always, the first “openly gay” this or that. I don’t want to start rumors but I’m pretty sure that one guy was a homosexual…? How do they know for sure that a previous mayor was a closeted gay; if so, who was it?

I guess that’s not the point though, the point is those god damn shoulder pads. I couldn’t find a picture of her with out them. What the hell is she thinking? Maybe she’s just trying to hide the fact she has a ridiculously large head.

I guess no one got 50% of the votes, so she and some dude will have a runoff election next month… blah, blah, shoulder pads, blah…

Actors are good looking, charming, and charismatic with name recognition; maybe this is why people always look to actors to be politicians. I guess Sonny Bono did an okay job with Palm Springs? I don’t think it’s hard to manage old people, gay people and golfers. Reagan… eh? Some people liked him; California’s not doing all that fantastic under Schwarzenegger; Jesse Ventura wasn’t much of an actor; Al Franken’s movie sucked, and he’s ugly and smells funny…

Anyway, Brad Pitt has stolen the hearts of New Orleans and they want he to be the mayor; he helped to build a couple homes, not really that many when you think of how many were destroyed. But hey, that’s more than I’ve ever done for that city. I bought a lot of those “show me your tits” beads one time (those beads come from there, right? There or Taiwan, either way). Well, I threw them at some chicks – they didn’t take their tops off, though, and I wasn’t able to go to the office during an internal “investigation,” really just a formality; management needs to show the ladies in the office that they care… blah, blah. You know how those dames can get.

This story was interesting to me because the news is that there isn’t any news. They do a whole story about how Brad Pitt is not going to run for mayor. He never said he was thinking about it; some guy made a funny list about reasons why Pitt should be the Mayor of New Orleans. And now people have are making T-Shirts that read “Pitt For Mayor.” So of course, the media has to do a story about how well liked Brad Pitt is. Here’s the list – it’s not even that funny.

I like Pitt’s response, “That’s not what I do best.” Because we all know what he does best: he pretends to be people he’s not for millions of dollars, and he bangs Angelina Jolie.