Political Sex

Michelle Obama was at some military concert with kids, or something? Whatever, it was for Christmas so they brought her out to read a story and then ambushed her with Kermit the Frog. Celebrities are always doing this shit; thinking people want to share the spotlight with them. And what was Michelle going to do, say no? There’s no way. You just have to roll with that crap.

And then, as she starts reading, that little green attention whore can’t shut the fuck up and wait for his parts. While the First Lady is reading her part, Kermit’s all “uh-huh” and “mm-hmm” like he’s agreeing that what she is reading is the correct story. God damn, I hate that fucking frog so much.

Michelle Obama was on what looks like some sort of television show… or Apple product? iCarly? Whatever, she basically bitch-slaps her daughter’s friend who didn’t think she would be able to get on the show; then one of the pervy hosts randomly gives her a hug and gives the camera a little Kurt Gibson celebration. And then they dance. Is it weird that I noticed her bra did a solid job as she jumped up and down?

Why do I really want to see a Saddam porno, is that weird? (filmdrunk)

Wait, wait, wait… there’s a Mormon running for President! Two!? This is an outrage – for some reason. And there’s a debate no one’s going to watch tonight. (nytimes)

Holy crap, gummy bears soak up vodka… So much time wasted. (wtop)

Yeah, kids… why would you play videos games when you could be doing jumping jacks! I also love how the first lady got into full workout gear for one minute of exercise. (msnbc)

Picture and story from here

The new Princess of the British Empire met the United States First Lady recently (does it really matter when they met?) and, to perpetuate the female stereotype, the only thing that seems to matter is what they were wearing:

As newly minted princess Kate Middleton greeted Michelle Obama in the ornate surroundings of Buckingham Palace Tuesday, it was hard to believe she was wearing a $340 dress from British retailer Reiss — a frock any commoner could buy.

Commoner? $340 for a dress? Are you fucking kidding me… How much does being a princess pay? What does a princess do, besides have sex with the prince? And what the hell does a prince do for a living? These are all questions I would rather scratch my ear off with a shard of glass then find the answer for…

Oh yeah, how could I be so stupid, I forgot to mention Michelle Obama’s dress cost over $2,000. Kate looked better; but she’s half Michelle’s age, and didn’t dress like she was going to a special showing of a new Dreamworks ‘Tinker Bell’ movie in a hospital’s pediatric cancer wing.

Charlotte, North Carolina has been chosen to host the next Democratic Convention, which isn’t for a couple of years, so no one cares. What people do seem to care about is that First Lady Michelle Obama doesn’t seem to know shit about Charlotte, and are appalled about what she said in the announcement letter, from this story:

“Charlotte is a city marked by its southern charm, warm hospitality, and an ‘up by the bootstraps’ mentality that has propelled the city forward as one of the fastest-growing in the South,” Obama wrote. “Vibrant, diverse, and full of opportunity, the Queen City is home to innovative, hardworking folks with big hearts and open minds. And of course, great barbecue.

Holy Shit! I can’t believe she said that. That is the most absurd thing I’ve ever read from anyone about a city. Fuck! I’m so angry now… What do you mean you don’t get it? She said they have great barbecue. Charlotte. Barbecue. Yeah, I know. It’s ludicrous. From this story:

That was news to residents, who know that North Carolina’s best barbecue lies farther afield. “We appreciate the compliments, and they’re all spot-on until that last one,” the editorial board of the Charlotte Observer newspaper wrote in a blog post titled, “Charlotte = great barbecue? Who knew?”

“Everybody knows to get the best stuff, you gotta drive north to Lexington,” the board added.

A local Associated Press reporter quoted a barbecue expert, retired University of North Carolina professor John Shelton Reed, who said that Charlotte for barbecue was “like Minneapolis for gumbo.”

Everybody knows that if you want great barbecue, you don’t f’n go to Charlotte, you “gotta” drive north to Lexington. I mean, shiiit, I almost fell right off my chair, rolled off the pork and near done stabbed my eye out with my widdlin’ knife.

You’ve got to be kidding me. The Obama’s are from Illinois, where maybe they don’t have good barbecue, and they’ve visited Charlotte a few times, where maybe they got barbecue, and it was the best they’ve ever had. Take the compliment, dicks. I’m sure for the five seconds they were able to, the barbecue restaurant owners were stoked for the endorsement. Or did they have to apologize, We’re so sorry, we do not know where she got that, we swear we didn’t tell anyone we were great, we would never, heck we’re barely edible…