It must be difficult being a fat person; first of all, no one likes you who doesn’t already know you. Just watch people in their seats on airplanes when the big dude starts down the aisle, everyone gets that ‘shit, that would be just my luck’ look on their face. In related news, New Jersey’s fat governor had to go the hospital, from this story:
Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized this morning after he complained of having trouble breathing, according to the governor’s office.
I imagine the exchange between Christie and whoever he had take him to the hospital was difficult…
- I think… you need… to take me… to the hospital.
- Why! What’s wrong?
- Breathing… having trouble… breathing.
- Oh, no, that’s what you always sound like.
- Hospital… breathing… difficult.
- You may not always hear it, but that’s how you breath; maybe because of the weight.
- Take me… to the… hospital… please.
- Well, okay, but I’m telling, that’s how fat people breath.
They’re saying Christie has asthma and is fine… except for the morbid obesity of course.
The Governor of New Jersey - named Chris Christie - seems to be a favorite amongst conservatives and Republicans, and think he’d be a good candidate for President. In response he said, Chomp, chomp, slurp, FOOD good, no President, chompity, chomp chomp. I paraphrased, from this story:
“You have to feel it in your heart and mind that you’re ready” for the White House, Christie said, adding that he believes there will be Republicans who run for president next year because the fight for the GOP nomination appears to be wide open.
“I’m not stupid,” Christie said. “I see the opportunity (but) that’s not the reason to run.”
There’s no way America votes in a fat President. Chicks don’t buy magazines with fat people on the cover and guys don’t jerk off to fat chicks online, well, unless you’ve really run through all the porn and are just looking for something kind of new, you know, different… uh, so I’ve been told by guys who aren’t bangin’ a different hot chick every night. Boo-Ya! You know what I’m sayin’? Yeah, that’s right. I think you know what I’m sayin’.
The FBI made the biggest mafia bust ever this week, arresting over 100 mobsters. What does that mean to you and me? We get a list of funny mob names. From this story:
The Mafia are known for using colourful nicknames and among those accused are monikers such as ‘Tony Bagels’, ‘Johnny Pizza’, ‘The Bull’, ‘Meatball’, ‘Jack The Whack’ ‘Junior Lollipops’ ‘Bobby Glasses’, ‘Vinny Carwash’ and ‘Lumpy’.
Was there a Lollipops? There was also ”Mush,” “The Claw,” “Fat Dennis,” and the winner: “Big Anthony.” I imagine standing there when the nicknames are being given out. Okay, you will now be known as… Meatball, and you… uh, Vinny Carwash, oh you think that’s funny? Everyone say hello to Junior Lollipops. Let’s see, what should we call you, hmm, I don’t know, your name’s Anthony, right? Hell, we’ll just call you Big Anthony…. Yes! What was that? Nothing, nothing, thank you.
The fat candidate for the New Jersey governor won. Hey look, I did a post about him a little while back, because I’m in the know, you see.
Anyway, this is great; really breaks down barriers as the fat people of this country can rejoice as Governor-elect (sigh, tear) Chris Christie has finally squeezed through the actually fairly large opening in the glass ceiling. He did get stuck for a bit, which he blamed on the opening shrinking (oh, yeah, right, we shrunk the f’n hole, yeah that’t what happened… fat ass); lucky for him Hillary Clinton was hanging out right beneath the ceiling and she was able to shove him through; but not before tickling his little feetsies first – oh, that Hillary.
“This election tonight is not about me. It’s not about many of you. This election was and is about the state we love — the great state of New Jersey,” Christie said at his victory celebration.
That might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard, ‘…is not about me. It’s not about many of you.’ Not about many of you… what the fuck does that mean?
This election tonight is not about me. It’s not about many of you. Which means it is about some of you, and more to the point it is about a few of you, but actually it is mostly about couple of you. I’m sorry that didn’t make much sense, I started thinking about Reuben sandwiches… with freshly made sauerkraut, and just a light smearing of thousand-island dressing on both the top and bottom slices of the rye, with a side of thousand-island dressing so I can dip it after every bite. You see, if you put too much dressing inside the sandwich it may become too slippery, and you risk loosing some of the meat. What was I talking about… who are you people! Where’s my god damned sandwich!
I guess there’s an election for who’s going to be the next governor of New Jersey… (shrug) I know, who cares, right. But of course the Political Sex offices were all a-buzz at the opportunity to talk about fat people came up. When a fat person is involved, a non-story like the New Jersey gubernatorial race becomes newsworthy. That ad is from the incumbent (that means the person who already holds the office) Governor Jon Corzine about the fat challenger – named Chris Christie – and how fat he is… Or at least that’s what everyone is saying; like this Corzine schmuck came up with the phrase about people throwing their weight around. I’m sure there’s other stuff too, I don’t really care enough to check.
Christie went on Don Imus’ radio show and made fun of himself for being fat. Which, as a fat person, is his only play here. I guess he could have said he has a glandular problem, but no one likes fat people who say that, whether it’s true or not. And 99.9% of the time it’s not, from this story:
Christie also told radio personality Don Imus he’ll be “a big, fat winner” on Election Day.
I get a little sad when fat people make fun of themselves to differ ridicule, because you know they probably get really depressed every time they look at their fat bodies in the mirror… but it’s not like a real sad; it’s like how I feel sad when I see a family on the side of a highway, car broken down in the middle of nowhere. I’m in no way affected, at all. But I do feel a little sad for them. Stop and help? What! You do?
