Political Sex

So I haven’t posted in a while, and that’s because I went to the Gulf to help hot chicks who actually care about the environment and animals clean up the oil or whatever I would have to do to get them in bed. But then as I went through New Orleans to grab a quick Hurricane, I realized something: there are a lot of prostitutes in New Orleans, and their prices have dropped significantly. So, long story short, I’m back. And I don’t feel the normal guilt one sometimes gets after screwing a whore, because I helped the economy in The Gulf, and really, isn’t that all that matters. I’m practically a hero.

God damn it… what the hell is wrong with people. So Obama goes to the Gulf Coast today. Great, right? Oh yeah, his administration has been all over the area this year, making sure the rebuilding process is moving forward; the president – of the United States, mind you – get’s scheduled to tour, and meet, and whatever else he needs to do. And everyone is so hap… wait, what. Oh they’re not happy? Well screw you blue then Gulf Coast, from this story:

• Some residents have criticized Obama for the brevity of his trip…
• …those in Mississippi, which took a direct hit from Katrina, were miffed the president left them out of his visit altogether.
• “I’m greatly disappointed he’s not coming to Mississippi,” said Tommy Longo, mayor of Waveland, Miss.

I just… But the… What the… He’s the… Damn!

In related news: I went to New Orleans last weekend… Okay, now if you just made a joke about beads, slam your face into the closest hard-flat surface available.

Actors are good looking, charming, and charismatic with name recognition; maybe this is why people always look to actors to be politicians. I guess Sonny Bono did an okay job with Palm Springs? I don’t think it’s hard to manage old people, gay people and golfers. Reagan… eh? Some people liked him; California’s not doing all that fantastic under Schwarzenegger; Jesse Ventura wasn’t much of an actor; Al Franken’s movie sucked, and he’s ugly and smells funny…

Anyway, Brad Pitt has stolen the hearts of New Orleans and they want he to be the mayor; he helped to build a couple homes, not really that many when you think of how many were destroyed. But hey, that’s more than I’ve ever done for that city. I bought a lot of those “show me your tits” beads one time (those beads come from there, right? There or Taiwan, either way). Well, I threw them at some chicks – they didn’t take their tops off, though, and I wasn’t able to go to the office during an internal “investigation,” really just a formality; management needs to show the ladies in the office that they care… blah, blah. You know how those dames can get.

This story was interesting to me because the news is that there isn’t any news. They do a whole story about how Brad Pitt is not going to run for mayor. He never said he was thinking about it; some guy made a funny list about reasons why Pitt should be the Mayor of New Orleans. And now people have are making T-Shirts that read “Pitt For Mayor.” So of course, the media has to do a story about how well liked Brad Pitt is. Here’s the list – it’s not even that funny.

I like Pitt’s response, “That’s not what I do best.” Because we all know what he does best: he pretends to be people he’s not for millions of dollars, and he bangs Angelina Jolie.