The State of the Union is where the President of the United States has to go in front of Congress and the Senate and be on television to talk about how great of a job he is doing. Which is good. Obama does a terrible job at promoting his successes. But he gives amazing speech.
Except he dropped that stupid “spilled milk” line. By my calculations that cost him 456,789 votes. Really?! Fuck me, that was terrible. That better have been a bet. They put in that crap about milk farmers and that old hokey guy in the room who can’t help but say the terribly obvious joke probably said that line about crying over spilled milk, and later Obama and the younger guys were probably sitting around the Oval Office talking shit on the spilled milk guy and Obama would be all like, “I should say that, in the speech, ha!” And the other guys would be all, ‘Yeah, right, whatever.’ “What, bitch? You don’t think I’d do it?” ‘There’s no fuckin’ way.’ “Oh, I’m gonna do it.”
Newt Gingrich, some guy who wants to be the President of the United States, went for the win-win with his second wife. From this story:
His second wife, Marianne, said in the interview that he asked her in the late 1990s to tolerate an affair he was having with congressional aide Callista Bisek, who is now his third wife.
“He was asking to have an open marriage and I refused,” she said. She has spoken publicly before about Gingrich’s behavior during their 18-year marriage.
Whatever. Dude wasn’t into his wife, wanted some strange, and basically gave her the option: We can stay together, and I’ll bang my aide, or we divorce, and I bang my aide, then probably marry her, and then most likely cheat on her too. What’do’ya say? No? Alright… See ya!
People are giving the guy a hard time for this; I say he should be commended. He could’ve slept around with his wife knowing, as per usual, but he was honest. And aren’t the building blocks of a marriage made from honesty. Yes, I do believe they are.
Newt Gingrich is a guy who is campaigning to be the Republican nominee for President of the United States. He has some experience, Speaker of the House, and stuff… who really cares? He’s a super conservative guy who’s cheated on his various wives; but then married the chick he cheated on them with – I know, for some reason that makes it better. He released an ad in Iowa – where I think the first caucus is… if you don’t count the one in my pants which is going on right now, hey-oh!
Let’s fuckin’ do this:
0:00 – Wheat
0:04 – Flag (oh, it’s going to be one of those ‘symbols of America’ deals)
0:11 – Shit. Are those the actual Purple Mountains Majesties? This guy means business.
0:13 – That really looks like a job a machine could do much better.
0:17 – She really looks like she can handle a broomstick, cha-ching!
0:22 – A hot chick handling flowers? Nice imagery Newt, you old pervert, you.
0:24 – Damn, that flower chick is really pretty. I bet she was the one with the broom.
0:30 – The next ten seconds or so they’re just matching video to what he’s saying; respect, military; stand strong, Statue of Liberty; faith, church; and so on.
0:36 – Ha! “…respecting one another” as the show men and women going to work together. Stupid.
0:37 – Nice cleavage, red dress. *cough* office slut *cough*
0:40 – What is that, Russia? Probably an Iowa government building or some crap.
0:42 – I think this part was taken from the end of Gladiator, where Russell Crowe’s character joins his dead wife and kid. Because just like the America of the past, the afterlife is full of wheat.
0:50 – Is it me or does Newt Gingrich look like a cartoon frog?
0:58 – Slogan: Rebuilding the America We Love.
It has a bit of David Lynch’s Blue Velvet to it, but other than that this ad couldn’t be more generic and boring. I’m not from Iowa, and I don’t think I’ve ever been there, but I can’t imagine people from Iowa are this lame.
Mitt Romney – the nomination is probably going to Newt or Mitt – is like the mediocre looking chick who makes sure she stands next to her ugliest friend when they’re out at a bar; next to this creepy bastard Mitt looks much more fuckable electable. Although, it doesn’t really matter because Obama will most likely win again.
Chris Rock went on comedian and failed talk radio host Marc Maron’s podcast and is convinced that President Barack Obama is waiting until his second term to do his “gansta shit.” I met Marc Maron once, weird dude, reminded me of people who stand outside of Narcotics Anonymous meetings shivering and smoking cigarettes.
President Barack Obama will be on Leno tonight, I think it’s tonight; doesn’t really matter. Does anyone watch Leno? Or any of those late night shows? For the most part, anything worth watching on those shows will be online the next day.
Anyway… Obama jokes about how Michelle Obama is one of those ladies that gives out raisins to Halloween trick-or-treaters, and how he’s worried that the White House will get egged if they don’t give kids candy. It’s a decent joke. He probably talks to Leno about other stuff too, like the elections, war, dead dictators, or whatever.
There was this lady in my neighborhood when I was a kid that used to give out pomegranates – who the fuck gives out pomegranates for Halloween – and we were all pretty sure she killed children. Proof? She was creepy, and gave out pomegranates, what more proof do you need…
