Political Sex

Are you aware, or even care, about this Occupy Wall Street deal? If you want to protest, then protest. What do I care? Just try not to look like a douche-bag while you do it; leave your shirt on, don’t dress up like zombies, don’t chant, don’t get violent; just march, or sit-in. And don’t do this, from this story:

On Saturday, more than 700 protesters were arrested for blocking the Brooklyn Bridge.

I live in San Francisco, so protests mean as much to me as a bunch of out-of-towners on a Segway Tour – happens daily and annoyingly affects traffic. The worst thing protesters can do for their cause is fuck up someone’s commute. You’ll turn the most sympathetic suburban soccer mom into your eternal, outspoken enemy if you make her late to the show she was coming into the city to see.

President Barack Obama is in the Bay Area to do get a bunch of rich liberals to give him money. Well, not give, they got to have dinner with him for $35,800. That’s a stupid amount of money, and I don’t mean “stupid” like expensive, I mean it’s kind of random. Why not round that down to an even $35,000, or up to $40,000? I bet some douche-bag campaign adviser put a lot thought into this; we’d like to get $35,000, but I bet we could get more, but probably not $36,000, hmm, how about $35,500? - to which Obama hopefully said, “I don’t give a shit, they’ll pay whatever we ask… Let’s do $35,800, so it seems like there’s a reason.

One of those rich people was Lady Gaga. And apparently there’s a Q&A portion of the dinner, which if you don’t know means Question and Answer. The only reason I say that is because I’m not sure Lady Gaga knows, from this story:

According to a source present in the tent fundraiser, Gaga asked a question during the Q&A. She first thanked the president for what he’s accomplished, then read from what she said was a letter from a fan about the suicide of another fan who had been subjected to bullying.

She thanked Obama for hosting his anti-bullying conference with Michelle Obama, and then made a general plea to everyone in the room, including the president, to do what they can to prevent bullying.

Obama – And what’s your question, Miss Gaga? Did anyone get a question? Uh, do you just want me to talk about bullying? Okay, I guess I can do that.

Obama thanked her, spoke about his administration’s anti-bullying campaign, and then more generally about the importance of values and who we are as Americans.

This all sounds like a really good use of a President’s time.

And yet another person is running for President in 2012 – named Jon Huntsman, who has seven freaking kids. And how come I didn’t know he was in San Francisco this week – that’s not what that video is from? Not that I would have done anything about it, but every time I see San Francisco in the news, I turn into a some local idiot and say, “Hey, that’s where I live.” From this story:

While in the city Tuesday, Huntsman met with fundraising “bundlers” and key GOP insiders, including Howard Leach, the former ambassador to France and one of the nation’s most generous GOP donors.

“People are looking for leadership in the country … and he was very smart, very articulate,” said Leach, who hasn’t committed to a 2012 candidate but hosted a luncheon Tuesday of about 40 Republican insiders eager to meet with Huntsman. “We were all very favorably impressed,” he added, with Huntsman’s knowledge of foreign affairs and his record of executive management in Utah.

“Articulate”!?  Why wouldn’t he be, racist.

Whatever, the dude’s qualified, but he’s a Mormon, and if there’s one religion Americans fear more than Islam, it’s Mormon… Mormonism? Mormonology? I don’t care know. What am I, God? Probably not. But, don’t worry, if a naked lady covered in bubbles asks, I’ll say YES (glares at Dr. Ray Stantz).

I should clarify the subject line, when I say The Daily Show I don’t mean Jon Stewart was funny – wait, you don’t just love it when he pauses and raises an eyebrow while he stares at the camera… No, that’s not funny. 

Anyway, The Daily Show did a stab-you-with-a-knife-in-your-eye review of San Francisco’s law banning toys in Happy Meals that don’t have enough fruits and vegetables in them. That douche bag of a Supervisor, Eric Mar, gets his comeuppance.

President Barack Obama was in San Francisco last night having a steak dinner just a few blocks away from where I was have a peanut butter and jelly dinner on my couch. I’d like to say that my PB&J was better than anything he could have had because of it’s simplicity and because I made it myself… but I think I screwed up the ratio – I was too close to 50-50 peanut butter to jelly; I know that it should be 60% peanut butter, 40% jelly… I just don’t know where my head was. Another difference was that no one paid just for the chance to eat PB&J’s with me. From this story:

It’s the most ever raised in a Senate fundraiser: $1.75 million. That’s how much came from President Barack Obama’s 19-hour trip to the Bay Area. That breaks down to $92,000 an hour.

Awesome, thanks for screwing up my commute because all the Democrats are going to lose and are desperate to raise money. Whatever. He’s got to do it, I guess; the Party got him elected and this is what he has to do or they’ll plant an intern’s pubic hair in his bed or something and replace him with Hillary Clinton… or that actor from Harold and Kumar who’s name is like Superman’s father’s name, and who quit acting to work in the White House as something that doesn’t matter to anyone. Great choice dude!