Political Sex

HBO made a movie directed by the guy who did Recount, which is about the 2000 election, so it would seem we’ll get a movie about elections every four to eight years. Yay?

Game Change has Julianne Moore as a naughty-looking Sarah Palin (though since Boogie Nights, all her characters are naughty-looking), Ed Harris as a guy who looks like John McCain but doesn’t try to sound like him, and Woody Harrelson as McCain’s campaign manager(?), or maybe an imaginary friend who’s always getting him into trouble like Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club – it really didn’t seem worth looking up. It also stars Ron Livingston, and some girl named Tiffany Thorton who is not nearly chubby enough to be playing Meghan McCain.

Sarah Palin has announced that she is not going to run for President of the United States after all. Uh… What? Where the hell is this coming from? She probably saw all the hype that that Chris Christie guy was getting for not running, and wanted in on the press; from her statement you can read here (though, there’s really no reason to):

After much prayer and serious consideration, I have decided that I will not be seeking the 2012 GOP nomination for President of the United States. As always, my family comes first and obviously Todd and I put great consideration into family life before making this decision. When we serve, we devote ourselves to God, family and country. My decision maintains this order.

She makes me want to pluck the hair off my toes one-by-one.

Some guy named Nick Broomfield made a documentary about Sarah Palin. He went to Alaska and talked to people who knew her. There’s nothing really in this trailer that makes me want to go see all the crazy things people said about her, but the guy who made it looks like a funny little bastard. But I’m not going to spend movie theater money on it. I’ll wait until it’s On Demand for $4.99; and right before I hit “Buy,” I’ll remember scrolling by a movie I’ve already seen, but know that there’s at least 35 total seconds of nudity, and I’ll go back to that movie. But right before I hit “Buy” on that, I’ll remember there’s a lot of porn for free online. I already know that’s going to be a good day.

At one point in her life Sarah Palin was in her early twenties, and apparently she had a functional vagina that she (like most chicks in their early twenties) liked to use with guys. *huh, that’s a weird way to put that, oh well*

For some reason this makes for a World Exclusive from the National Enquirer:

Publishing sources familiar with the contents of author Joe McGinniss’ highly-anticipated book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin” have revealed shocking secrets that will impact her decision to enter the 2012 presidential race.

In the book, which will be published on September 20^th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

In 1987 I won three goldfishes at my grade school’s carnival, which has just as much relevance for my future chances of being President as this World Exclusive. Looking back, I was really good at throwing ping pong balls into small bowls. And now look at me… nothin’ but a waste of god-given talent.

There was some stupid Republican event in Iowa recently and the big news that came out of it was that there was a fair nearby selling deep-fried butter. There was a debate among the Republican presidential candidates, and both Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry felated a corn-dog.

For some reason Sarah Palin was there; even though she’s not currently running for President her Political Action Committee produced a video about how great Iowa is and how much Iowa loves her. It really has that feel of the first time some chick your dating gives you an HJ: it feels fairly good, and it’s kind of exciting, but all you can think about is that you want more… like, what’s the point of this.

Highlights:

Beginning – good out-of-focus-in-focus jump cuts are effective for some reason.

0:18 - Sarah and some hot beauty queen embrace; the beauty queen goes for the handshake, but Sarah clearly wants to smash breasts.

0:57 – Some dude from CNN is way too excited that Sarah answered his questions; I’ve heard the same tone from guys as they leave a strip club, “I can’t believe she sat down, right next to me, and talked to me…”

1:09 – Sean Hanity crosses legs knee-over-knee. Ha, pussy.

1:18 – a tractor exhibit.

1:31 to 1:35 – girls on someone’s shoulders gets cued to wave, and smile.

2:08 – looks like Sarah farted.

2:10 – Bear

Does everyone in Iowa wear Iowa clothes? Fuck, I like California, but I don’t think I have one piece of clothing that has the word “California” on it.