Political Sex

Former politician John “Boy” Edwards cheated on his wife with his campaign videographer, knocked her up, had his married assistant take the blame, and apparently made a sex tape with her. Edwards’ former assistant – named Andrew Young – supposedly has that sex tape, and the videographer who Edwards has since gotten together with after his wife died of cancer wants it back, from this story:

An attorney for a former John Edwards aide says the two-time presidential candidate from North Carolina has given sworn statements in a lawsuit over a purported sex tape.

Young contends the tape was found amid trash that Hunter left behind in a home he was renting.

I want to see the tape for the same reason I took a picture of two turtles having sex at the zoo. 

But that’s not all! Now Edwards is probably being indicted, for this story:

Sources tell our CBS affiliate in Raleigh former Senator John Edwards could be indicted within the month.The two-year grand jury investigation appears to have zeroed in on the alleged cover-up of Edwards’ affair and money from a 100-year old supporter of the Democrat.

If you’re a person in power, especially politics, go ahead and do whatever you want, just don’t try to cover anything up, isn’t that right Silvio?

Hmm… I don’t know what to say about an aide for the Palestinian President named Rafiq Husseini getting caught on tape soliciting sexual favors for a helpless lady who wants some help, from this story…

The former Palestinian intelligence officer, Fahmi Shabaneh, said he secretly took the footage in collusion with the unidentified woman. He said the woman had complained to him that Husseini was making suggestive remarks when she went to his office to ask for help with a family problem. Shabaneh said he then installed cameras in the woman’s bedroom and filmed Husseini’s next encounter with the woman.

But he was going to help her, right? So, what’s the problem; why should he help her for nothing in return? I thought we wanted Palestine to embrace the way of the Western world… there’s nothing more Western than exchanging sex for favors. Anyway, back in the day, they would just force women to have sex with them by threatening to rape and kill their families. The Middle East has really come a long way.

Oh, look. I knew what to say after all. I shall never doubt myself again.

A former aide of John Edwards named Andrew Young says he has a sex tape of John Edwards with a very pregnant chick he was banging for a while named Rielle Hunter.

The most titillating revelation in Young’s book, however, remains the existence of a sex tape that Edwards and his lover Rielle Hunter reputedly made together. While Hunter’s face isn’t seen in the video, Cheri Young said bracelets and a thumb ring that belonged to Hunter are visible in the video.

I like how this means that this Andrew schmuck and his wife watched it, probably together. The skank in the video has a restraining order out to prevent the Youngs from selling/distributing the tape.

“In or about September 2006, using my video camera, I authored a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature,” Hunter wrote in an affidavit filed Thursday. “In 2006, I was also having an intimate relationship with Edwards.”

The child of Edwards and this chick, who is supposed to be visibly pregnant in the video, was born in 2008. Now, bear with me, I’m pretty sure babies are born in less than two years… unless something has changed since the last time I checked. I don’t really know from experience; when I knock a chick up I tell her that we should run away together, and pool all our money together so I can set everything up, and give her a train ticket to somewhere in the Mid West telling her I’ll catch-up with her after a wrap up a few things, but I never catch-up…

Oh, and it’s reported that John Edwards physically beat his cancer-fighting wife, which is not funny. Unless, he beat her with a rubber chicken. That would be really funny.

Carrie Prejean is a sexy liar… She wasn’t 17 years old in the tape of her masturbating that she sent one time to a boyfriend she loved; she was 20 years old and sent multiple videos to some guy she let bang her a couple of times. I am simultaneously in love and totally disgusted with her. From TMZ:

• …the man — who asked us not to reveal his identity  – says Carrie sent him the video when they were involved with each other in 2007. He says Carrie sent him numerous explicit videos and insists the one in question was shot when she was 20.

Me: So… she was twenty.

Consience: Yeah that’s right.

Me: Not seventeen.

Conscience: Nope.

Me: So… it’s okay if I watched…

Conscience: Yep.

Me: Cool, cool.

Previously on Political Sex…

If you’re on Twitter, follow me @PoliticalSex

Hey, an update to a previous Political Sex post; how exciting (see below).

The sex tape doesn’t lie, from this story, which uses ‘the tape doesn’t lie’ but even if I didn’t read the story I still would have used ‘the sex tape doesn’t lie;’ it’s not even that good, leave me alone:

• Floyd Tally and brothers Ronald and David Callaway were found guilty of conspiracy, criminal coercion and invasion of privacy.

I know what you’re wondering, ‘what can I take from this?’ Well, I think I can help you out – it’s actually pretty obvious… stupid: don’t try to blackmail a politician by video taping him with a whore unless you are 100% positive he won’t have a moral epiphany and “do the right thing” by calling the FBI and setting your ass up; Eugene Robinson is a f’n minister.

Previously on Political Sex, from 9/29/09:

I’ve never been a juror before, somehow stayed off the radar - Ha, suckas! – but I didn’t know that jurors get to watch amateur porn. How awesome would it be to be asked in a serious, courtroom tone, “Are you willing to watch a sex tape?” Wait! Who’s on trial here… oh, it’s for the case? Oh, okay, yeah sure, bring it on.

You’re probably not wondering why this is on Political Sex; it involves a sex tape, why wouldn’t I talk about it. Anyway, some councilman (crazy with religion, of course) in Atlantic City, named Eugene Robinson, that was unknowingly videotaped doing a ‘sex act’ with an alleged prostitute. Unknowingly would land it in the Voyeur genre I believe (what?). Sex act… Blow job? HJ? What act?

The trial is for the guys who did the taping and then tried to blackmailed Robinson on behalf of their brother who was a rival councilman of some sorts. And now the jurors need to admit they have no problem watching amateur porn. Sign me up! Here’s the story, there’s not much I haven’t told besides useless stuff like names and such. Except this:

• Robinson, a Baptist minister, has said the sex was consensual and the money he gave the woman was to buy sodas.

“Thanks for the foot job baby, now here’s 50-dollars, go score us up some Mr. Pibb.” I don’t know it was a foot job, but if they’re not going to tell us what the ‘act’ was, I’m just going to speculate.