Political Sex

Now all three hikers who were imprisoned in Iran and convicted of being spies have been released. The chick was let out about a year ago because she wasn’t feeling well. The guys have now been released for $500,000 each; because that’s usually what countries do when they have a convicted spy, let them buy their freedom. I’m starting to think they were actually just hiking. From this story:

“Today can only be described as the best day of our lives,” the statement read. “We have waited for nearly 26 months for this moment,” it added.

It was not clear how long the men and their families would stay in Oman. When Shourd arrived, she made a round of thank you visits to the people who put up her $500,000 bail.

The three were accused of spying but have all along claimed they were hiking in Iraq’s Kurdistan region and crossed Iran’s border by mistake.

I wonder if the hike was worth it, as in was it a really great place to hike; not worth the 26 months in an Iranian prison, of course, but worth the risk. You don’t hike along the Iraq and Iran border without knowing what happens if you get caught in Iran.

It’s like this one time when I was a kid and was supposed to stay in my room with our puppy while my parents had a New Years Eve party, but I really wanted some party snacks. So, I took the puppy and ventured out, and it was exciting. There were people all over the place and for the most part no one noticed me. I was just about to grab a handful of chips when this wasted chick saw the puppy. She grabbed it, spun around and the fell down. Luckily, the puppy was unharmed. And with all the commotion I forgot about the snacks, grabbed the puppy and hurried back to my room. It’s basically the same thing.

The three hikers who were thrown in an Iranian prison a couple of years ago accused of spying should all be reunited at home soon. The chick was already allowed to go home because she wasn’t feeling well, and now after being convicted of being spies, Iran is going to let the two guys leave for $500,000 each, from this story:

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in an interview aired on NBC’s “Today” show, predicted the Americans could be freed “in a couple of days.” He described the bail offer as a “humanitarian gesture” and repeated complaints about attention for Iranians held in U.S. prisons.

This is really embarrassing for Iran; they’re clearly just trying to save face here. Unless I’m not aware that international spies, convicted of such by the countries courts, can go home for half a million dollars. In Iran’s defense, it’s really hard to determine if someone’s a spy. “Are you a spy?” ‘No.’ “Hmm. That’s what a spy would probably say.” But then they let the chick go a little while back because she was sick. At that point Iran must have been sure they weren’t spies – you don’t let spies go back to the country they’re spying for, you just don’t, no matter how sick they are.

What these three went through must have been horrible, but don’t worry, within a year, they’re all going to be rich; book deals, movie rights, speaking engagements. I bet one of them because some sort of Ambassador of Something Outrageous that Countries do to International Prisoners.

I would like to make the movie, it’d be called: Don’t Hike There Stupid!

Iran has released Sarah Shourd - who they had said was a US spy along with two other people – because of medical issues. But they didn’t release the two guys.

Does this mean she wasn’t a spy, Iran? Because if she was spy she wouldn’t have been released for any reason. And is she isn’t a spy, then what about the two guys? Or, maybe she wasn’t a spy, but they were spies. That must be it, right Iran? She was just a spawn in their spy games. Okay, well, now this makes sense. I’d hate to think you, Iran, would go back on your convictions.

I’m actually embarrassed for Iran. What a bunch of boobs!

Poor American spies hikers have negotiation expert Hillary Clinton looking out for them… so I’m sure they’ll be home soon; from this story:

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Wednesday “there are no negotiations taking place” between Washington and Iran on the idea of exchanging three U.S. hikers held in Iran for Iranians being held in the U.S.The idea was floated by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a television interview, but Clinton said: “It is hard to know what the Iranian president meant” by his remark.

Ahmadinejad is a god damned wacko, but I really think that when he said they would exchange Iranian prisoners we’ve got with the American prisoners they’ve got, he meant they would exchange Iranian prisoners we’ve got with the American prisoners they’ve got. Clinton said,”It is hard to know what the Iranian president meant” by his remark. Really!?

I don’t think we should even have to be in this situation, if these jerks are really hikers, which I’m sure they are… they probably told all their douche-bag friends that the Iraqis and Iranians are a kind and peaceful people and the governments are misunderstood; and then they went hiking along the boarder of Iraq and Iran. It was also reported that they were on their way to go skydiving, but they were going to throw their parachutes out of the plane, count to five and jump… would they have caught up to their chutes with enough time to put them on and pull the cord? I guess we’ll never know… especially with Hillary Clinton negotiating their release.

Iran: Fine, here take the stupid hikers.

Clinton: Hmm… But what do they mean by that.

Iran: No, really, we don’t want them here, take them, please.

Clinton: Is this some kind of trick?

Iran: Come on, you stupid bitch! Take the prisoners, or we will shoot them.

Clinton: Oh, okay, we’ll take them… Ah, wait… ha, you almost had me. Tricky Iran. No, no, I wasn’t born yesterday. I can read between the line. Yeah, go ahead and shoot them.

Iran says these three Americans are spies… probably not, but how the hell would I know. They could be spies. They might be the greatest spies in the history of spydom. I would be highly disappointed if that were the case. Spies should be cool, and not smell bad. I just assume they smell terrible, and like their own stink because it’s natural. From this story:

• Shane Bauer, 27, Sarah Shourd, 31, and Josh Fattal, 27, were arrested in July as they walked through mountainous terrain between the Iraqi and Iranian Kurdish areas where the border is not clearly marked.
• “The three are charged with espionage,” the Tehran general prosecutor, Abbas Jafari Dolatabadi, was quoted as saying. “Investigations continue into the three detained Americans in Iran.”

The chick one might be kind of hot with a little make up and deodorant (alright, a lot of deodorant). And I’m sure one or both of those douche bags was hittin’ it, I didn’t really get into the details of these idiots lives. Three Americans hiking along the border of Iraq and Iran would be like my white-ass walking along the border of the worst part of Oakland and a pack of blood hungry bears with a sign around my neck that says ‘I Hate Black People… and Bears.’

Future Political Sex post to watch for – three losers with a book…Yeah, don’t worry, they’ll most likely be released and then have the chance to be famous authors – unless they continue their aversion to deodorant. Just use it! No one likes your stupid natural smell. Fuck!