A judge has granted Jenny Sanford a divorce. Big F’n deal. But I do love ABC’s headline:

Judge Grants Jenny Sanford a Divorce from Cheating Gov. Mark Sanford

Ha, this guy’s jacked. No matter what happens, his name in the media will always be preceded by “Cheating Governor.” Does Cheating Governor Mark Sanford still think bangin’ a hot Argentinian was worth it… my sources say yes. And by sources, I just mean what I would still think if I was a Cheating Governor.

The wife of that one governor of that one state that was banging that other chick in that other country wrote a book and now she is giong around doing interviews; not because everyone in the media thinks her book is important, but because they want her to talk about what it was like to have her governor husband cheat on her. I imagine it’s about the same as having a regular husband cheat on you except you get to turn it into a million dollar book and interview deal.

I chose the Daily Show interview to post. I can’t imagine she said anything different to anyone else. And at least Jon Stewart can be funny… sometimes. I didn’t watch it. Why would I? And why can’t I center that embedded video. I did everything I usually do that centers it in the post, but not this one… so now something else that make me hate Jenny Sanford. Great! Like I needed another.

South Carolina lawmakers are going to consider impeaching their Governor, Mr. Mark Sanford. Who cares? No one really. Dude knows he’s on borrowed time. The guy used the State’s money to fly to Argentina to bang some hot latin chick. Look at this guy. He has a lifetime of jerk off memories to get him through. And he’ll be fine – write a book and marry his nanny or something.

In other news; I was just voted the Governor of Awesome. It was a tight race between me and my girlfriend’s cat, and I have to admit I kind of ran a dirty campaign. What!? He did poop on the floor in the middle of the night; I was behind in the poles; like you wouldn’t have used that against him. And fuck yeah I voted for myself… everyone does.

The wife of the South Carolina governor who was banging some Argentinian chick has endorse Rep. Nikki Haley to succeed her husband. Who the hell is Jenny Sanford to endorse anyone? She was some rich business chick who tried to hump her way into the White House. And maybe if she humped a little better, her husband wouldn’t have had to bang the South American chick… I have it on good authority that South American chicks do anything… ANYTHING! By good authority, of course I mean some drunk dude at a bar last weekend said, ‘Man, you need to bang one of those South American chicks, they’ll do anything… ANYTHING!’ Why would he lie?

Now a shocker! I endorse her too… she’s kind of hot. I’d work her “campaign.” By which of course I mean I’d “stuff her envelopes.” Wait, what!? It sounds like I’d be doing what to her. No… Perverts. I mean I’d be putting her campaign literature into pre-addressed envelopes. And, I guess, whatever else she might need for a successful run. And by that, yes, I mean bone the crap out of her.

I think being a stripper would be awesome; if I was a chick, I’d definitely be a stripper, especially if I lived in South Carolina (no real reason, just wanted to set the scene of this story). You never know where your job will take you from one day to another. More than likely, you’ll just be working the pole at a gentlemen’s club, but then, the next day you’re with an ex-politician, current state prosecuter – named Roland Corning - in a cemetary, from here:

• Police also found Viagra and sex toys that Corning said were there “just in case.”

I love that, ‘just in case.’ Ha! Well… sure, you just never know – if she’ll dance naked a cemetary for money, there’s no telling what she’ll do for a couple extra bucks.

And the dude kind of got out of it by flashing his prosecuter’s badge, he and the stripper were able to leave. And he would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for the meddling cop and his wife who works for the Attorney General’s Office. Corning has since been fired. No word on the stripper getting busted, so it’s just another story for the girls back at the club. Oh, how I wish it was my story to tell; I’d even come up with voices for everyone, and I’d make it more of a dark comedy - pointing out that even the most serious situations in life are rife with hilarity. That’s right, I say rife.

Oh, and that’s the only picture of this dude that the papers are using, and it’s from almost 20 years ago. So all you ladies that were all like, ‘mm-hmm, I’d dance for him for cash…’ How about now? Really? Eww, you’re gross.